Do you know how awful the autumn would be if every leaf that fell screamed in terror on its way down?

Pretty awful.

Random, fabricated samples of narration from insane, non-existent industrials and nature films...#1

Hi there. I'm Sean Crespo. I'm a crazy person. One of my favorite hobbies is to stand up in the middle of a restaurant, bang my fork against a glass of water as if I'm about to toast someone, and then to give a low-volume speech about someone halfway across the room who can't possibly hear what I'm saying.

When not in a restaurant, my sense of inanity avails itself of random phrases for its sustenance. Below you will find exactly what the title above suggests...Random, fabricated samples of narration from insane, non-existent industrials and nature films.

These mean nothing. It is instead the scope of the nothing that should be of interest.

Or not.

Enjoy.


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1. You will find that in addition to its being encased in a semi-firm polymer "skin," both protrusions can now adhere to the negatively charged Boron casing, which will enhance performance, reduce operational cost, and incriminate no one.

2. ...and regularly ingests its own weight in spiders. Digestion is itself only possible through a symbiotic relationship with Ed Meese.

3. This highlights, indeed explains, why sanitation researchers often consider mitochondria to be the dessert unit of eukaryotic cells.

4. The massive discoloration and waxen coating serve as both camouflage and a means of active registration with all three branches of the government.

5. However, strong headwinds and a not inconsiderable jaw strength can make up for this deficiency if provoked. Just make sure you stand back!

6. Over ten thousand person-hours go in to the making of every seafoam Riding Dowel. Our patented Ontology Frond technology is the secret to the Dowel's high core stability and its wide appeal among the elderly.

7. The Cheshire diving mollusk gently sprays its trapped prey with a fine corrosive vomit, and within moments, the soupy ruins are begurgled into the snail's shell.

8. Lubbock isn't just a place to live anymore. It's now a place to dare to live. Lubbock: Time's Dumpster.

9. A systemic breach of the carotid freeway can take anywhere from five minutes to five days to repair, but once the process is started, it is inadvisable to stop without assistance from a licensed cartographer.

10. Pollination at such depths is, yes, difficult but a flagella-like adaptation on the sex glands makes coitus, however brief and tangled, more than possible. The Arctic Felch Whale in fact survives almost exclusively on these glands as well as monthly social security checks.

11. Turtles and Indonesia, two truths we ignore at our own peril.