Well, the CW has another hit on its filthy, dirty, blood-stained hands. It's tough work lowering the bar for everyone like that. Few are as capable as the CW, who are about to join some elite company. I mean, this network is about to mingle ranks with such leaders of bar-dropping as Fox News, NBC's late night programming, and Tommy Wiseau.
Good work!
I can't wait till the CW greenlights the show RICH, BRATTY TEENAGERS RUBBING UP AGAINST EACH OTHER. Because that show, that will be one to remember...and be prosecuted.
You know, when I think about these interview shows I'm reminded of the time that I called up a financial news radio program which then let me go on the air and pretend to be a professional fame trader from the Hollywood Stock Exchange. It took them about 5 minutes of discussing with my alter a-hole, financial guru Doctor Rudyard Keats, how to create a viable portfolio if you can only afford C list celebrities like one of the lesser Baldwins or say one of the guys from the Sopranos you don't see so much anymore.... before they realized it was a hoax.
And the thing is they had a pretty good screener too. But the other thing is...you can't screen for every crazy person. There are two types of folks who tend to get through every screening process without throwing up any red flags. People who are going to intentionally create chaos on your show, as in the latter case, and people who are so deeply warped they have no idea how insane they are. While you can't hide that first one for too long going through the on-air application process with a huge tv show like The Marriage Ref, you could do so while also being a Patrick Batemen in waiting.
Then by the time said psycho was on air spewing his or her particular brand of crazy...it's too late for anyone to stop it without making things look much worse already.
The wages of casting reality television are crazy people.
This week I spent some time really THINKING about the show I was assigned. You know...REALLY just thinking about it. Then, I realized it didn't deserve that kind of attention and ripped it to pieces like I usually do. Enjoy my take on PAST LIFE, the start-of-season mid-season pre-replacement.
Episode 101 of No Prior Knowledge is here folks. That's right...we celebrated 100 but now we just have to move on like the brave web soldiers we are.
This week, I discuss why SOUTHLAND, though packed with great actors, probably should not be packed into any network's line up. "A rookie and a seasoned vet become partners" is the plot? Really? I think my idea for keeping the cast but changing the plot and title of Southland into essentially a new show called "AMBULANCE COPS: America's Loudest Heroes" could be the one thing that at least saves SOUTHLAND from complete cancellation.
The second episode for this week is about the THE DEEP END, a show revolving around L.A. lawyers, or "L.A. law" if you will. No relation.
America, I ask you here, I ask you now...please stop making shows about lawyers, doctors, and cops. You did a great job making interesting TV out of all of those professions for a good long stretch, but it's time to move on and mine other occupations for their particular dramas. Pick a city and a job. I will support whatever show you come up with. Baton Rouge librarians and Boston crane operators. Doesn't matter. Just no more lawyers, docs, or cops. Please.
I loved BSG. I will love Caprica. But maybe the show could look a little less "Madmen" and a little more "we've discovered interstellar travel and have numerous human colonies." The alternate universe future doesn't have to be slick, but it also doesn't have to look like it's waiting for you to ask it to go steady and take it to the fishes under the sea dance.
Do you enjoy forced fun and vaguely fleshed out characters? Do you like sitcoms that are soon to be canceled? Do you enjoy Sean Crespos making fun of both of those things? Go no further.
Everyone passes out for 2 minutes and 17 seconds? Is the world of this show populated entirely by Swiss-accurate frat boys? I explore this and other useless questions...next on No Prior Knowledge: Flash Forward.
How many cougars do you need to make up a town, exactly? Is a fortysomething woman's sex drive enough to solve the energy crisis? Tune in to find out. Meowwww.
Someone remade this show? Wow. I hope it's as good as the remake of 90210 was which I also did not nor ever will see! Find out if it is/was with this week's installment of NO PRIOR KNOWLEDGE.
Do you like shows about young people with no blemishes? Do you like high school squabbles? Do you like whiny vampires? If yes to any or all of those, then VAMPIRE DIARIES is the show for you!
Unfortunately for you, I said no to all those questions. And ...this is my video about Vampire Diaries.
Hey, at least it's not a buddy vampire comedy, right? (sigh) Right.
Few videos I've made are as mean as this one. And few...as most likely accurate. Six of one, half a dozen of the other, huh? And really, what do we even MEAN by "mean?" I'm tired of all this philology. Let's watch some comedy.
The new trailer for TRON LEGACY came out at ComicCON. It was amazing. Also, I made this video you should watch. Maybe it incorporates aspects of TRON. Maybe it doesn't. I guess you'll just have to watch to find out.
Just keep in mind that more to love also means...more to hate. There. I've woven my spell of light hearted humor once again. You're welcome. Now watch the video.
They said it couldn't be done, that one man couldn't consistently make a vlog compelling, entertaining, and funny for 67 episodes. They were fucking wrong!
So wrong, I'm gonna call "them" out on it. So who are "They?"
"They" are a bunch of hype-sucking, fanboy whore-stumps who lavish praise on the lazy and less gifted while I, week after week, add a new previously undiscovered niche to the living, breathing comedy ecosystem called NO PRIOR KNOWLEDGE at Bravo's WWW.TELEVISIONWITHOUTPITY.COM
My videos are the goddamn Finch of online comedy. There are about a million of them yet if even just one of them were to disappear, the entire humor chain would break and the world wide web as we know it would become a bleak German expressionist film.
That's how good this last video is. It made me act like a paranoid, self important asshole on my own website for this entire post. I'm done with that though. We must move on to better and nicer things.
I want to like this. I really do. But from what I've seen. I can't. And don't. And won't. But maybe that will change. But maybe not. But maybe yes. But then, probably not. But maybe possible somehow yes not maybe too can't won't yes no. That made about as much sense as creating an "Office" knockoff.
Wow, the Kingdom looks a lot like Manhattan, doesn't it? Watch the vid and tell me if it seems odd to you too that there's a Time Warner Center in the alternate universe of the Kingdom. I guess media deregulation had a bigger effect than we thought--that rule about not owning all the tv stations in one city apparently didn't cover tv stations in the same city but a different universe.
Ok, seriously, someone has to make sure I don't die having had a comedy career that turned out to be primarily web-based in my last few years. Which means you need to go back in time and mercy-stab/beat/crush/drown/shoot/trebuchet me when I was about 26 years old. Either that or you need to hire me RIGHT NOW to make funny words happen for your company, which will pay union rates and hopefully include "Broadcasting" as part of its titular acronym. Care for a taste of the funny words I can create for you? Try this one on for sighs.
SAMPLE: Squibidinous (adj.) - having or marked by lustful desires toward sea based mollusks (SEE ALSO: Aquascivious)
Alternately, I don't have to steal the idea of Snigglets as seen above. You could just pay me to write and perform for your wonderful tv show or movie, skipping my Snigglet thievery altogether. Or alter-alternately, you could pay me to write and perform for your not YET wonderful tv show or movie which I would then be responsible for making wonderful. This is something I would like to do for you, America the place.
Or...or...and this is just me spitballing, I could just die after having made my FIFTY FIFTH vlog for Television Without Pity, a job that, while I enjoy a great deal and am grateful for, is however on the web. You'll notice that I've also posted this video to "this har" website, which is by definition, ahem, on the web. Hence, the term "WEBsite."
Bueno?
Si.
So until my grandmother can see what I do with her own eyes (ghost eyes don't count, trickster god of FATE, in case you're listening!) and not have to sit through the manic gesticulating that accompanies every attempt I've made to explain 1. what the web is and 2. how I make a living and have grown a sizable audience for my comedy from it...no success I'll have will ever be truly real to me. And if it never seems real, well, I just may see what the view is from this bell-tower I keep hearing about.
So keep that in mind NBC, CBS, ABC, FOX, all of cable, all of movies, and all of non-nudity-including Broadway. Snipe! Snipe! Haha! LOL! We have so much fun here on the web don't we!
Ok, so, My Success, where ever you are, hurry it up. Chop chop. My nana's not getting any younger, and neither are the cultural references used in my comedy. SEE ALSO: Snorks
Do spies take of their sunglasses in an acceptably dramatic fashion? Find out on blah blah blah...seriously guys, It's been a year. Just watch my goddamn web "show."
I had to make this thing from the hotel I'm in for this webisode thing which I'm thinging in. It's not a big thing.
Anyway, it's about Dancing with the Stars, and if you know my body of work at all, you know hoooooooooooooooooooow much I truly love reality competition shows which are based almost entirely around the ironic shadows cast by has been celebrities.
I apologize for the delay in posting this week's episode of NO PRIOR KNOWLEDGE. I would blame my busy schedule but it reads this blog too. I don't want to anger it. Shhhhhh.....
Well last week was my big 50th Vlogiversary with TVWOP, but this week is #51 and, sadly, no one really celebrates the 51st of anything. What is the 51st Anniversary gift you're supposed to give? If I remember correctly, on the 50th Anniversary, the gift you're supposed to give is Gold. 75 is Diamonds. Or maybe it's Platinum. Or Moons. Maybe you give the Moon if you make it to 75 years together. It's as likely a gift as the chances of making it that long together.
NOTE: Polygamous marriages don't count because (if you're in one) you're not trapped with just the one person, doomed to a lifetime of hearing the same stories, smelling the same stinks, and rutting out the same positions day/month/year after endless day/month/year. You're trapped with several. Not a huge difference necessarily but it spreads the misery around. Socialized Misery, if you will. Further, proportionately speaking, a polygamous group marriage would have to make it 200 years together for it to be the same as 75 years together as a couple. Oh and all but one of them would have to lose the use of their genitals, leaving the burden of coitus entirely on the frail, bird like shoulders of one active 200 year old member by the end...that is if we really want to be accurate with equivalencies here.
The point is it's a long time AND a nice round number so we celebrate with precious metals or gems, the way our numerology-beholden culture demands. But what would 51st Anniversary be anyway? Is that the Diamond Plus A Healthy Shake With Dinner Anniversary? No. It's probably the Our Relationship Is Held Together Soley By The Glue Of Hate So I'm Giving You The Gift Of Scowling At You A Little Less Today Anniversary.
Nevertheless, I can't think of anything I'd want more on my 51st than to watch a video comedically dissecting Joss Whedon's new sci-fi drama "DOLLHOUSE." If only we had one here. Hmmm...
Oh look! I seem to have one with me! Lady Fortune has smiled on us once again, my friends.
Don't forget to smile back and vote me some fun time FIVE STAR action-ness.
The Northern Star interviews Sean Crespo (pppsssst...that's me)
When not doing stand-up, New York-based comedian Sean Crespo reviews TV shows for his Web series, “No Prior Knowledge.” Crespo recently took time out of his schedule to speak with the Northern Star about his acclaim as a stand-up and offer advice to those interested in a career in comedy. CLICK HERE FOR MORE
Or if you'd like to skip right ahead to my advice...click here. Once you go to the link, you'll understand. It'll all come together finally in one glorious moment of foam-battle understanding.
Excelsior, Sean
P.S. The part about my having "acclaim" was not my idea. I think I can learn to live with it though.
P.P.S. Unfortunately, my credits were listed incorrectly in the opening paragraph. The credits should have been for Comedy Central's Weekly Evil and as a contributor for The Onion News Network. Instead I was listed as working for The Onion (which I don't) and a publication called "Comedy Central." I've already emailed the paper for a correction, though if there is a paper called "Comedy Central," I bet most of its budget is spent on fending off the same lawsuit over and over again.
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