Great. So my research lab found the gene that causes depression and I was a major part of that discovery. But so what? It’s not like someone else couldn’t have done that. It’s not like I’m a genius or anything just because I went to Yale. I’m not. I used to think the word “idea” was spelled “idear” because that’s how my parents said it.

So who cares. It’s just a gene. All this science stuff is stupid anyway.

You know, people come up to me and ask if I know Dr. House. For real. I’m not even a practicing medical doctor, nor do I work in a hospital. NOR AM I A FICTIONAL TV CHARACTER. But, hey, I discovered the gene that is the root cause of all human unhappiness, so that counts for something…right? Yeah, probably not.

I’m gonna go watch all 6 seasons of Highlander: the series in my bathrobe.

In my bathtub.

Whatever.

“Dr. Drew is still alive?”

If that’s not the first question you asked yourself when you heard this season was happening, you watch too much reality TV. Also, you might be a redneck.