Ok, once in a lifetime you come across a piece of information so dazzlingly wonderful, it outshines all the dollar bills in the world. And diamonds. This week, I started watching BLUE PLANET. After I finished that, there was a special on about ants. Did you know that ants can lift up to 50 times their own body weight? Well, if I’d ever heard a solution to the energy crisis, that was it…

Today we’re going to talk about Peak Oil. Where is this mysterious mountain? Has anyone climbed it? CAN anyone climb a mountain made of oil? Let’s find out! (MORE) …

WORK GREENER, NOT HARDER

So much stock is put into the idea of all the work, all the effort and the nearly impossible feats it will take to transform our energy economy into one based on renewables that many AmeriCANS have become AmeriCAN’TS. That’s not the America I was raised in, mister or ma’am! I was raised in Americausewesaidso! Once we take the lead, other nations will follow. Even Tibet. That lazy hold out.

As we all know, Earth Day is coming up on November 3, which is also when you can vote if you’re a Democrat in a swing state like Ohio.* So to prepare, we’re counting down till the event with a tip a day! Only 212 days to get the word out, but don’t worry, it’s a totally sustainable stunt we’re pulling here! HAR HAR!

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TIP #212

Don’t just dance like no one is watching. Dance with a thermal capture unit or TCU attached to the thermal excretion points on your body. Did you know that 90% of your body’s heat leaves through your skull? (Incidentally this is the same weak spot through which demons can enter!**)

Attach a TCU to your skull, typically called a skullcap when attached here, and start moving and grooving in your SUV on the way to work at one of the five companies remaining– instead of taking a bus which uses waaayyyyy more fuel than one car, or worse, walking, which can lead to premature osteoporosis as well as clubmouth.***
You want proof that it works? Just look at the Jews! They’ve been wearing skullcaps for centuries and nothing seems to be able to destroy them! Talk about sustainable! HAR HAR!!!

That’s it for today. See you tomorrow right back here at ECO TIPS EARTH DAY COUNTDOWN.

Looking for previous ECO TIPS? Well stop looking, idiot. They’re right here.

*Source: GOP Blue Voter Assistance Guidebook, Regnery Press

** Source: GOP Home Schooling Anatomy Guidebook, Regnery Press

***Source: GOP Talking Points on Public Transportation Guidebook, Regnery Press

Spoiler alert: This show was not based on the Atari video game from 1976!

But what if it had been…

Science. What is it even? Certainly it’s a word. But maybe… is it a feeling? Could it be a friend? Whatever it is, we know that it has lifted mankind out of the shower of piss that is the weathering of our souls forced on us by nature…and weather. So today’s ECO TIP is a salute to science itself!

Ok, once in a lifetime you come across a piece of information so dazzlingly wonderful, it outshines all the dollar bills in the world. And diamonds. This week, I started watching BLUE PLANET. After I finished that, there was a special on about ants. Did you know that ants can lift up to 50 times their own body weight? Well, if I’d ever heard a solution to the energy crisis, that was it…