EXT: VINNY CALAMETI, the youngest crime boss in Brattleboro, VT, prepares for the annual “Feast of the Locally Grown Vine-Ripen Tomato”. He is accompanied by his vested and gay body guard, DARIUS CAESAR.

DARIUS CAESAR

Boss, what’s wrong? You usually love the Feast of the Locally Grown Vine-Ripen Tomato.

VINNY

No I don’t!

DARIUS CAESAR

Is it my vest? I went out on a limb with it, I know… But it just felt right.

VINNY

I don’t care about your dumb vest, alright?

DARIUS CAESAR

Have a tomato.

VINNY

I HATE tomatoes.

DARIUS CAESAR

Yesterday, you loved them.

VINNY

Well, today I hate them, okay?

DARIUS CAESAR

You want me to shoot your brother in the knee again? That always cheers you up.

VINNY

NOOO… I don’t WANT anyTHING.

DARIUS CAESAR

Okaay…

[More after the jump]