Great. So my research lab found the gene that causes depression and I was a major part of that discovery. But so what? It’s not like someone else couldn’t have done that. It’s not like I’m a genius or anything just because I went to Yale. I’m not. I used to think the word “idea” was spelled “idear” because that’s how my parents said it.

So who cares. It’s just a gene. All this science stuff is stupid anyway.

You know, people come up to me and ask if I know Dr. House. For real. I’m not even a practicing medical doctor, nor do I work in a hospital. NOR AM I A FICTIONAL TV CHARACTER. But, hey, I discovered the gene that is the root cause of all human unhappiness, so that counts for something…right? Yeah, probably not.

I’m gonna go watch all 6 seasons of Highlander: the series in my bathrobe.

In my bathtub.

Whatever.