To: ALL EMPLOYEES
From: PATTY, HUMAN RESOURCE DIRECTOR

Hello everyone,

Please not that the entire DAW office building is now wheelchair accessible. Including the concert hall:

Please make a note.

Cheers and Cheerios!

- Patty

Patty Scholarlo
Human Resource Director
DAW International

Last night’s announcement by President Obama that Osama Bin Laden had finally been found and killed is a sobering reminder of lives lost on 9/11. There will be those who will find it a reason to celebrate, but for many of us, the emotions resulting from the news will be complex and take while to digest.

So, thank god there’s Hollywood! I’ll bet my Grandmother’s plastic hip that no fewer than 200,000 movie treatments for the Osama Bin Laden movie are now making the rounds to studio execs. From romantic comedies to gritty documentaries – the treatments will flow, eventually whittling down to one big summer blockbuster. The question remains, however, who will be the lead? What modern day film thespian has the chops to take on the roll of a lifetime? To play a man feared by the entire population of the earth, save his mom*?

It came as no surprise that, when posed with the question, my friends on Twitter had some ideas. I then backed them up with science. Comedy science…

[More after the jump]

EXT: VINNY CALAMETI, the youngest crime boss in Brattleboro, VT, prepares for the annual “Feast of the Locally Grown Vine-Ripen Tomato”. He is accompanied by his vested and gay body guard, DARIUS CAESAR.

DARIUS CAESAR

Boss, what’s wrong? You usually love the Feast of the Locally Grown Vine-Ripen Tomato.

VINNY

No I don’t!

DARIUS CAESAR

Is it my vest? I went out on a limb with it, I know… But it just felt right.

VINNY

I don’t care about your dumb vest, alright?

DARIUS CAESAR

Have a tomato.

VINNY

I HATE tomatoes.

DARIUS CAESAR

Yesterday, you loved them.

VINNY

Well, today I hate them, okay?

DARIUS CAESAR

You want me to shoot your brother in the knee again? That always cheers you up.

VINNY

NOOO… I don’t WANT anyTHING.

DARIUS CAESAR

Okaay…

[More after the jump]

DAW: So, Leonard… You driving home like that?

LN: I have a dentist appointment.

DAW: That… Makes sense.

LN: And I like the uniform. CHICKS like the uniform.

DAW: Fat chicks.

LN: ESPECIALLY fat chicks.

DAW: Sure. So, a Buick, eh? Are you a fan of the American automobile?

LN: Oh, definitely. I think Spock would totally drive American.

DAW: Even though he’s from another planet?

LN: Vulcan.

DAW: Right. Vulcan.

LN: I happen to know, from a rather reliable source, that Vulcan is a giant importer of the American automobile.

DAW: Reliable source… About cars on Vulcan?

LN: Our writers, of course.

DAW: Of Course.

DAW: Well, this has been… Odd. Thanks for talking with us.

LN: My pleasure. Would you like a ride? I just installed a bitchin’ new Blaupunkt sound system.

DAW: Uh, no. I think we’re good. Enjoy the dentist.

LN: Suit yourself! Too Infinity and BEYOND!

DAW: Live long in prosper.

LN: Whatevs. Later, bitches.