Drink at Work

McCain, Women, Jackass MSNBC Daytime Anchors

2008-06-27T13:18:00.004-04:00

I'm watching MSNBC and just overheard a commentator explaining why some Democratic women might be able to justify voting for McCain:

"Republicans stumbled into the one nominee that women might be able to see as an alternative because he's not a fire-breathing anti-woman or fire-breathing pro-lifer...at the moment."

That's an interesting way of approaching it. I think that's an inverted straw-man argument; excusing McCain's pathetic record on women's issues by commenting that he's not a fictitious, monstrous version of a candidate who votes against women. True, he votes against women while pretending that he cares about them.

Since it clearly bares repeating, here a few highlights from McCain's anti-but-in-a-grandfatherly-way-anti-woman record (you can find all of this and more in greater detail with notations at womenforbarackobama.com:

• Voted against equal pay for women

• Supports overturning Roe vs. Wade

• Opposed Title X

• Opposed requiring insurance companies to cover birth control pills

• Opposed legislation requiring accountability from abstinence-only programs

Even if you are fiercely pro-life and agree with him on those issues -- though I doubt all of these Hillary supporters threatening to vote for McCain are -- McCain's argument for voting against equal pay for women is not only insulting, it betrays his less-than-maverick-like focus on protecting corporate interests above American women. Nevertheless, sure, MSNBC is correct: he probably was not covered in scales and exhaling fire when he did any of these things. Kudos.

On a separate note, if these MSNBC anchors mention Barack and Hillary's color-coordination and body language once more, I'm going to wretch. Even worse, one of them just said, "Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, together at last..." to which another anchor exclaimed, "FREE AT LAST!"

MSNBC: please fire whoever just did that. And then double whatever you're paying Rachel Maddow.

And those were my parents.

2008-06-24T11:56:00.004-04:00

A lot of you have heard me mention my father in my stand up. Maybe it was the story about the time I left a demon in his house or maybe it was one of my bile fueled tirades about his hilarious belief system.

Whatever it was you saw or heard however, I am absolutely certain that none of you knew that my father, Juan Ramon Crespo, made his living for a number of years in Central America as a night club singer. In fact, my mother and my father met at one such night club in Guatemala, which is also--though they deny it--where I think a certain Sean-shaped bun was placed into a certain Sean's-mother-shaped oven. Probably after he covered the Stones.

Long ago, I remembered seeing a video from the late 70's from our time in El Salvador featuring my father singing a cover song as awkward fades and dissolves (the height of low rent 70's video special fx) would repeatedly show my mom holding a surprisingly placid me and my cousin Nicky, who, to be fair, has since learned to curb her love affair with putting rubber bands on her head.

Spoiler alert: I'm adorable.

Watch the video. My head almost exploded when I saw this. I hope yours does too.

More to come about my amazing family when I get time to write about it.

Office Overhearsions™

2008-06-24T11:30:00.002-04:00

The guy talking to himself in the cubicle next to mine is listening to "Love in an Elevator" on the radio, and I just typed the phrase, "...fax your business card and credit card information to 'Weiner Breakfast.'"

I feel like Rutger Hauer at the end of Blade Runner. "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe."

xoxo,
Carol

A place for my stuff

2008-06-23T07:59:00.006-04:00

Courtesy NY Times

When I was a kid, say around 10 or 11, we had this huge console stereo. It was this plastic, faux wood-paneled dinosaur with a radio, a record player and an eight-track – a toast to the chunky cheese that was 70s decor.

I had three things I was aloud to listen to on the console: Bill Cosby: "Why is There Air?", An REO Speedwagon album and an eight-track of George Carlin's "A Place for My Stuff". Three great comedy albums that I wore out via headphones so big and snug, they ensured absolutely no interruption, even from a nuclear attack.

I don't claim many heroes and I've never been one to raise us flawed human beings to God-like status, but I will say "A Place for My Stuff" is a big, if not THE reason I chose the comedic path I have. I don't think George Carlin was a King, or that his shit didn't stink. I just think sometimes, a person can do one thing so well that it makes the world stop, look and clap.

"Ever notice how your shit is stuff and other people's stuff is shit?"
-George Carlin

Photos from DAW: Portland! 6/18

2008-06-20T18:20:00.003-04:00

Brian Giles pimps his comedy wares on the street.

The Fuge.

Cloud Morris.

Country Rhodes and The Fuge.

Brian Brenniger.

Rhodes and Fuge

Brian Giles and his ghost.

The Boston Celtics won the championship.

2008-06-20T12:21:00.003-04:00

I'd like to congratulate my home-metro-area for no deaths occurring during the celebration. Good work, people.

Requiem for a Day Off

2008-06-19T13:06:00.001-04:00

This is complete wonderful gloriousness

Blogged with the Flock Browser

I'm Only a Man: Existential Crisis Edition!

2008-06-18T14:41:00.005-04:00

I'm working on a book. Well, to be accurate, I'm working on the third draft of the proposal for said book which my agent believes/hopes will get me some money so that I may then, actually, work on the book. It's a memoir -- don't say anything because I've already thought about it a hundred times...who wants to read a memoir by a 33-year-old...I know, I get it, move along -- so I'm spending an awful lot of time reflecting on where I came from, where I am and where I'm going.

Concurrently, I've also been pre-occupied with food, trying to figure out where I really am on the vegetarian, vegan, locavore, sustainable-eating spectrum. I recently finished reading Michael Pollan's excellent book The Omnivore's Dilemma. I bought it for the title alone because the question of, "what's more important: vegetarianism or sustainability," had been troubling me and I needed some guidance. It's not that those two things are in dire conflict, it's just that it is incredibly difficult to be completely vegetarian, much less vegan, AND keep all of your food within 100 miles of your home. Especially, if your primary job in life isn't food-related. So, I want to be a conscious consumer and constantly be aware that every dollar I spend is basically a vote for something, but at the same time, I'm having a hard time deciding what I want to vote for. My inclination is towards a pragmatic locavorism, and mostly vegetarianism unless I have the opportunity to purchase a meat product from a farm I think it's important to support. For instance, for Thanksgiving last year -- oh yeah, there's another problem...we slaughtered the Indians and took their land...thanks Thanksgiving...oh and someone told me the other day that Native Americans call themselves Indians and roll their eyes when white people call them Native Americans...and every southerner believes they have an Indian princess somewhere in their family tree -- where was I? Right, for Thanksgiving last year -- grrrrrr -- I ordered a heritage turkey from Good Shephard Farms in Kansas. That's really far away but the work that farm is doing is amazing and I wanted to support it.

Anyway...yesterday, I read an awful lot about rennet, the natural enzyme traditionally used to make cheese. When I became a "mostly vegetarian" several years ago, I always had in the back of my mind that if I had the time and extra money I would start buying my dairy products directly from farms where I knew the animals were treated humanely. To my mind, that was the only concern with cheese, a food so delicious I would never want to eliminate it from my diet. I had heard of rennet before, but pretty much kept myself in the dark about it until yesterday, when I found out that the only way to get natural rennet is from the fourth stomach of a veal calf. Great.

Of course, there are many cheeses made from genetically-engineered rennet (uh, delicious?) as well as from vegetable sources. After reading all of that, I decided to simply commit to a more thorough reading of labels in the cheese aisle. But then I read another interesting series of blog posts regarding family farms that raise dairy cows and that a necessary part of their income is from production of veal from male calves. The cows on a dairy farm must give birth at least once a year to keep producing milk...some of those calves are female and will themselves become dairy cows, and some are male. A small proportion of the males can be kept for studs, but then what does a small family farm do with the others? It doesn't make economic sense to keep them as pets and if they're sold they most likely become another cog in the industrial farm food chain. Thus, it makes more sense in terms of sustainability for small farmers to raise and process the animals safely and make the money they need to keep their farms that respect the land and nurture it alive. So through that lens, cheese with rennet isn't such a bad thing if you can trace where it came from.

Of course, there really is no humane way to look at veal. So in that sense, my sustainable inclinations and vegetarian inclinations are at odds.

An article recently appeared in the New York Times about "Green Noise," the cacophony of contradictory information about how to live green that has entered the main stream. The article makes me nervous that the recent spike in mass environmental awareness is going to prove nothing more than a trend...that the sustainable movement will be the victim of an indie-rock style rise and fall and become a sarcastic talking point for global-warming deniers and status-quo hipsters. It seems as though we're on the verge of a major shift in public discourse, major advances in alternative energy that have the opportunity and financial backing to take hold, and a restored a sense of community that advances the family farm and improves the quality of life for our poorest citizens. And I fear that all of that could be destroyed or at least woefully set back simply because we love seeing things as "so five minutes ago." Plus, we don't like changing our habits. So if the green movement seems loud, confusing and ever-present, Americans may collectively push their black-rimmed glasses up on their noses and pronounce it, "played out."

As for myself, I'm fine with the confusion. I'm fairly comfortable having a not-set-in-stone perspective on food as it ties into the environment and economics, in large part because I know there's so much to learn on the subject. If I'm to be a mostly vegetarian who buys local when she can and eats meat on occasion to support farmers and doesn't yet know what to think about rennet, so be it. There's really only one thing that troubles me about it, and that goes back to the book. When you think of a memoir, you naturally presume there's a very specific thing to know about the author -- he/she was the president, a drug addict, an astronaut, a mountain-climber -- and this is the story of how he/she became that thing and what happened before, during and after. Here's the problem: what am I? I've got plenty of stories and thoughts, but I lack definition...and I don't mean in that, "You can't define ME!" way, I mean it in the, "who the hell are you anyway?" way.

Generally speaking, we NEED definition. I've used several in my life: nerd, jock, painter, writer, christian, southerner, New Yorker, liberal, agnostic, wife, divorcee, vegetarian. But what I'm finding is that my personality moves towards abstraction, not clarity. I assimilate traits, values, interests, ideas, emotions, experiences, and they blend rather than define. I have as much problem answering the question, "What's your book about?" as I do answering, "What do you do?", "What's your favorite movie?", "What's your religion?", "Are you a vegetarian?", "How are you?" It's not that there's no answer or that I haven't thought about it, it's just that you haven't thought about how long it takes to answer such questions accurately.

Besides, all you're really asking me when you ask any of these things is, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

And the answer is, I can't really tell you...I just know it when I see it.

Drink at Work:Portland! Lobstah! Beer! The possiblity of comedy!

2008-06-18T09:23:00.003-04:00

Ah, summer in Maine... Lobster, ocean-side grilling and the unmistakable fragrance of the homeless baking in the afternoon sun.

There's also comedy, you know... Every third Wednesday at the Empire Dine and Dance (575 Congress St, Portland)... And today... Today happens to be the third Wednesday in June!

Here's the idea: Why not get yourself a couple of lobsters for outdoor grilling around, oh, say... 6pm. They cook quick, so you could have your "lobstah dinnah" by the sea, throw back a few High Lifes and be at the Empire in plenty of time for the show! Sound like a plan? Well let's implement and destroy!

See you at 9pm! Don't forget to remove your lobstah bib. You don't want to look like someone from "away".

The Drink at Work Show: Portland!
Tonight! 9pm at the Empire Dine and Dance
575 Congress St. Portland, ME
Featuring possible comedy by Brian Giles, Brian Brenniger (Portland Phoenix's vote for best Portland comedian), and Cloud Morris
Hosted by the amazing and drunken Country Rhodes and The Fuge
$3 at the door

Presented by the Bollard and Fake Rockstar, LLC.

The Kissing Booth Goodbye Video

2008-06-13T15:12:00.003-04:00

Last night was the final Kissing Booth, the monthly dose of comedic hysteria from Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco. To celebrate it's passing, Drink at Work got together with the ladies to create a series of videos featuring many of the show's friends and regulars.

Use the video player below -- it's pink! -- to see all four. Just roll over the screen to nagivate to the next video.

Shoot notes for those interested:
The interviews were shot on Tuesday in my apartment, a 275 sq. ft. studio. The set was created in the corner next to the kitchenette by dressing up a baker's rack and hanging a curtain to look like a back wall. I only mention that because I'm pretty proud of the final effect. The video was shot with a Panasonic DVX101B, a Lowell Pro light shooting through a Lowell silver umbrella for the backlight, and a Lowell caselight for the key. A practical was used in the set for extra ambience. The edit was done on late Tuesday and Wednesday, and the final videos appeared in the show on Thursday night.

Things That Actually Happened: "Saturday Supercade"

2008-06-11T16:05:00.002-04:00

I'm not a big fan of nostalgia humor. It's ultimately lazy and reaches an unnecessarily smaller audience.

Fortunately I myself am lazy and reach only a small audience anyway. I'm just going to let myself off the hook just this once.

Every now and then, a product or show from the past rears its “the fact that this was made 25 years ago isn’t a good enough excuse for why it’s such a bad idea” head and something must be done about it. Today's "thing that actually happened" is called Saturday Supercade. It was a cartoon that purported to bring video games, WHICH I FEEL THE NEED TO MENTION HERE WERE AND STILL ARE PLAYED ON TELEVISION SETS, to life on...you guessed it, the television. This is of course part of the "Hey this photograph really brings that movie-still to life" school of inter-media design.

Watch the clip and enjoy all the appropriated magic one poorly animated clip at a time. Whats's really amazing is that CBS managed to transpose these Atari and other systems' games, which at the peak of their technological advancement were still barely more than multicolored, 2-D Legos accompanied by music that today would make even midi-files sound like a fully orchestrated fugue, into a form of animation that is somehow less visually compelling than the (literally) two-bit characters the original games had to offer. Interestingly, the only difference more glaring in this area of "what one is promised and what one is actually given" is provided by contrasting game covers and the actual games.

As a child, I'd look at the video game covers at stores and simply marvel at the technology that could create such detailed and life-like animation. But then, inevitably, you ("you," as in "I," that is...but most likely "you" as in "you," as well) would take the game home, hurriedly de-box it, pop it in...and oh my god is that green polygon supposed to be a dragon? Oh yes, yellow and red squares are coming out from where its mouth would be, serving most likely as a crude representation of fire. A fierce smear of a dragon it is then.

Every game was the same.

Look at this cover for MISSILE COMMAND.

Oh my crap, according to the cover MISSILE COMMAND is going to be amazing. It will revolutionize entertainment single-gamedly. But wait, oh no, what's this? The actual game?

Look, I think those large green circles composed of smaller squares on a black background are clouds of nuclear devastation! Or an out-of-proportion beach ball. Or a dragon. So...riveting.

But the game makers of the world knew they couldn't ride the somewhat-reality-based-games gravy train forever. Players would demand more realism from them if there was something realists to compare the game to.

At least Missiles and Commands exist, right? But after the success of BREAKOUT and SUPERBREAKOUT, which features the now classic characters Thick Bar bouncing Square Ball at Rows of Rainbow-Colored Rectangles, pictured below in breathtaking accuracy...

...minus of course the Warrior Jai Alai Astronaut who didn't make it into the actual cartridge somehow, gamers had acquired a taste for the abstract. Though they continued to churn out more staid classics like Donkey Kong and Pitfall, gaming systems shifted into creating stranger and less reality-based games over the next few years, eventually reaching their "I don't know what I'm supposed to be playing as" zenith with the addictive and inscrutable Q-BERT.

One observation I had about this game was that if an alien civilization visited our planet for relics of our society, and the only human memento found was a copy of Q-Bert....the only clues they might glean about us are that 1. as our collective protagonist, orange coconuts who swore frequently were held in the highest possible regard, while conversely 2. we deeply deplored purple snakes, purple pigs, and purple cranial elephantiasoids, and 3. our weapons hadn't evolved past the ball-bonking phase.

And you know what, people?

They'd be right.

Anyway, it was fun to imagine that at some point, a bunch of writers had to sit down and tap out the script for the Q BERT portion of Saturday Supercade. I can only imagine what a thankless task that must have been.

WRITER: You know I won a Pulitzer, right?

TV EXECUTIVE: I know. That's why I picked you. I want my best and brightest on this.

WRITER: But there's nothing to write about. There's just a coconut and a snake.

TV EXECUTIVE: Nothing? We're only talking about the greatest rivalry found in nature. "COCONUT V SNAKE!" Think about it.

WRITER: Coconuts and snakes are not natural enemies. They're almost completely unrelated in the food chain.

TV EXECUTIVE: Well, not on their own, to be sure. But when that snake enlists the help of a pig and a gremlin...huh? Now it's a different story, isn't it?

WRITER: No.

TV EXECUTIVE: Yes.

WRITER: No.

TV EXECUTIVE: Yes.

WRITER: No.

TV EXECUTIVE: Yes.

WRITER: Ok.

TV EXECUTIVE: See how easy that was?

An Epitaph for Saturday Supercade
"It did its part to squander the limitless power of the human imagination."

Yours,
Sean

P.S. I recognize that if a Pulitzer prize winning writer wound up working on this show, it's most likely his or her own fault. But still...you know?

P.P.S. It is nice however to see that in the tv show, Q-Bert was given a mate. That's good. No one wants to be alone. Not even coconuts.

Metallica has asked bloggers not to review their music

2008-06-11T12:07:00.003-04:00

Bloggers: "Okay."

Really? This is where we're going, America?

2008-06-09T18:03:00.002-04:00

Seen on E! Entertainment site:

"A-list Secrets: How Stars Move Their Stuff"

I guess hittin' the U-Haul store fer a big ol' straight drive-equipped conflagration of a movin' van is too "pedestrian".

Heh.

Yeah, I'm sorta sad I wasted time to post this, now. Regret never does me good.

From the Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There is a Game Comedy Vault

2008-06-09T12:33:00.002-04:00

I miss this show so much.

Pela Tonight at Bowery Ballroom

2008-06-06T16:47:00.001-04:00

Go...you, too, could win a souvenir.

A Quick Moment with Carol: Three Stupid Pictures

2008-06-06T15:18:00.004-04:00

Family Cheekbones

Did You Get Your Tickets Yet?

Still Life With Vlogger

My Nomination for Best Actor, Best Director, Best Screenplay, Best Cinematography and Best Short Film of 2008

2008-06-05T15:41:00.001-04:00

This is why we can't have nice things

2008-06-04T12:39:00.005-04:00

Hey. Populace. Yeah you, the group on Earth...

When the Hell did everyone stop thinking for themselves? When did we all decide that we're going to PAY people to tell us how to dress, eat and do our jobs? Could someone please clarify this for me?

I realize the American dream is still all about the money, the house and the famous friends to brag about, I do. I won't sit here and tell you that I don't strive for some form of that dream, but at least I try and do it on my own terms. No self-help books, Super-guru-money-making-Dr. Phil books or blog posts by "Professional Bloggers". And if I ever do make it to the American apple pie in the sky, you can bet your ass I ain't gonna write a damn book about how I got there and ...How you can too!

Have we seriously lost the ability to enjoy something completely on it's own merits?

Automaton 1: "Dude, The new Indiana Jones is out!"

Automaton 2: "I read on Digg it sucked."

Automaton 1: "Oh really?"

Automaton 2: "Yeah."

Automaton 1: "Good thing we didn't check it out for ourselves then."

Automaton 2: "Totally. Let's go buy a book on how to make millions in used shoes."

Jesus fuckin' Christmas in Connecticut, people! How many of you are making day-to-day decisions based on blog posts and Dr. Phil? Raise your hands if you've done this in the past week: You went to the store, you bought a vintage shirt that you thought looked cool, but when you get it home, you read on some dude's T-shirt blog that he ripped some other dude at a Starbucks for wearing the same shirt... So now you never put it on outside the house.

Really?

Well, did you know that T-shirt blogger is 468 pounds of chili con queso and he just recently purchased a storm trooper outfit for his dog?

Honestly, everyone... WTF?

We all envy those who make the money, so we buy their self-help books on how to make money, therefore giving them MORE money to write more books that we can buy! On how to make more MONEY! Do you honestly think they're selling some magical secret that you don't already have in your brain? They had to figure it out for themselves, right? I bet, with just a little bit of effort, you could probably do the same and avoid shelling out the dough for a quick-fix book that will tell you what you already know.

Maybe we're all lazy. Maybe we're all depressed. Maybe self-help is the wave of the future. In the year 2046, no one will have an original thought, except for "the hive" and we'll all purchase a self-help implant, specific to our chosen career path. We'll all wear the clothes the hive likes and eat food the hive eats. There won't be any flawed, but absolutely entertaining movie remakes and we'll all be rich! The clean, vanilla and lack-luster "hive" way.

Whatever the deal is, it skunks my beer and I don't like it. Don't like one it bit.

Yours in Pontificational Ridicularity,

Das Faketh Rockstario

Drink at Work in Stills

2008-06-03T23:38:00.003-04:00

All Photos Courtesy of our Good Friend Mindy Tucker

Sean Crespo

Sean Donnelly

Dan Bialek

Sean Patton

Blaine Perry

Pat Stango

Mark Douglas

Be careful of what you say around editors

2008-06-03T17:11:00.001-04:00

A while back, I made a joke with my editors at Universal: "What do you call a Panda stuffed with a dolphin?" I asked. "A 'Pandolphin', of course!"

I'm tried a lot, and this, at the time was the funniest thing I had heard in days, so I relayed it to my friends at The Bollard. What happened next is only speculation, but in the June print issue of The Bollard, an old cartoonist friend, Martin Shields, ran this cartoon:

Courtesy of The Bollard Publishing, LLC

I'm not sayin' it was a conspiracy, but...

I honestly dig the Hell out of it. Thanks Martin. You ass.

If you're in the Portland area, pick up the June issue of The Bollard. It's high-quality thinking fun.

Bless Your Heart, Ladies

2008-06-03T11:55:00.003-04:00

Hillary Clinton is not the last real chance we have of seeing a woman in the White House, she's the first. (If you're 90 years old, I apologize...yes, it's probably your last chance.) Your repeated assertions that Clinton is our only hope is sexist and damaging to young women. The message of Clinton's campaign should be that the door is open and women, both young and old, should start taking themselves and the role they can play in their country much more seriously. You are ruining that message.

If you want to do something positive with your voice, join The White House Project and train to be a leader, then encourage other women to do the same. Visit Wellstone.org and find a progressive training program that's right for you. Do something, don't just saber-rattle.

Democrats need to come together to elect Barack Obama and then, even more importantly, hold him accountable once he gets to the White House. Getting a candidate elected is not the ends. I'm not voting for Barack Obama because I've waited my whole life to see a black man in the White House. I'm voting for Barack Obama because I want this country to change and he has assured me he will do everything he can to make that happen. And I assure him, that if he falters, he will hear from me.

Voting for John McCain will not advance your message and it will not move this country in the right direction. It will simply validate the stereotype that women are too hysterical and impractical to be in a position of power.

Need I remind you, McCain and the rest of the Senate Republicans recently killed a bill that sought equal pay for women "because it would lead to more lawsuits." You are threatening to vote for a man that has no interest in your issues. If your ultimate goal is to set us all back, then you're on the right path.

I'm not asking you to shut up. I'm asking you to shout something that makes sense.

(Sorry for the soapbox, next post will have some comedic value. Of course, I've been told that women aren't funny. Guess I better chuck it all in and vote for Dane Cook.)

Our friend Ned is Funny.

2008-05-31T11:23:00.003-04:00

Do you like celebrity gossip? Do like humor? Do like celebrity gossip and humor morphed into something we, in the industry, call "Celebssipumor"?

If you answered "yes", "yes" and "uh... okay, sure", then you need to check out our good friend Ned Ehrbar and his metro column The Word. Ned and I have known each other since our tumultuous days at the dreaded United Media. He has been my editor, my friend and my drinking buddy. And hey, do you guys like TOBY, Robot Satan ? Ya do? Well, you can thank Ned for that. He's the one that pushed me to come up the idea and he's pretty much the reason it exists and runs in metro.

So read Ned, laugh with Ned. And if you see Ned on the streets of NYC, tell him the Fake Rockstar and wife miss him.

She wants my...STIMULUS PACKAGE.

2008-05-30T13:00:00.002-04:00

Mark Douglas of Drink At Work and Giant Tuesday Night fame and comedian Rusty Ward from Barely Political have teamed up to make a very funny music video about two idiots who brag about how they're going to spend their stimulus package. Also stars GTN alum Michael Riesman as the voice of reason-cum-accountant in a brilliant low-key performance.

Sean Crespo's L.A. girlfriend story @ MOONWORK May 2008

2008-05-28T14:45:00.000-04:00

Sean Crespo's silly Bruce Springsteen @ MOONWORK May 2008

2008-05-28T14:42:00.002-04:00