30
Things You Didn't Know About Your Office Tech Guy
Francesco
Marciuliano
He is so mindful of identity theft that he had his sperm encrypted.
He did play football and baseball as a kid…although both sports
were prefaced with the words “Mattel Electronic.”
He would, if given the opportunity, take a bullet for Linus Torvalds.
Even though you’ve called him “Danny” for the
past three years, that’s still not his name.
Peanuts and dairy products could kill him.
If ThinkGeek.com went out of business he would be without T-shirts
or coffee mugs within the week.
He was ecstatic to learn Jeri Ryan is single again.
Thanks to some tinkering he can now download video on both his iPod
and Etch-A-Sketch.
He named his dog “Daggit.”
His mother finds him to be quite the dancer.
His drinks, food, mints, hair gel, toothpaste and contact lens solution
are all caffeinated.
He won’t shut the fuck up about Burning Man.
He does, in fact, have a girlfriend. And yes, they did meet once.
He cautiously awaits the American TV version of “Red Dwarf.”
He will spend his vacation time playing “Halo 2.”
He regularly sends instant messages to his roommates…even
when they’re all sitting on the same couch.
He is, at this very moment, quoting “Office Space.”
He plays keyboards for a band called “All Your Base Are Belong
to Us.”
Yes, that’s the same stain on his shirt as yesterday.
Although he is well aware of the dangers, he still secretly wishes
he had a Tribble.
He can pinpoint exactly when Orson Scott Card “jumped the
shark.”
He does, on occasion, have sex without the use of an avatar.
He’s not sure if the blinds in his apartment can be opened.
He cannot believe you are still using Internet Explorer.
If he is over 35, he still masturbates to a mental image of “Col.
Wilma Deering,” a.k.a. actress Erin Gray.
He is online right now, reading this very article along with you
on your PC.
He has made some minor adjustments to his pet cat, including installing
Bluetooth.
His pin code number is “31337.”
He’s not happy to see you. That actually is an Estes rocket
in his pocket.
He is presently making note of all of this list’s inaccuracies
on a Slashdot.org message board.
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