What Else Could Possibly Go Wrong?!?

The U.S. energy crisis worsens tenfold when the dead rise from their graves and immediately hoard gas.

Consumed with fighting al-Qaeda, the federal government leaves itself completely vulnerable to Brainiac’s shrink ray. 

Americans are held hostage in their own homes when the Roomba achieves A.I.      

Bush’s extension of daylight savings time causes a catastrophic rise in vampire attacks on morning commuters.

Thanks to an extensive hedge fund, the apes take over.  

An aging American workforce refuses to manufacture anything “loud” or with “too many buttons.”

The polar ice caps melt and the contiguous 48 states are submerged under water seconds before all is revealed on “Lost.”

America instantly reverts from a democratic republic into a feudal state when creationism supplants evolution in schools, leaving only the most dedicated renaissance faire-goers able to fend for themselves. 

The toxic sludge in New Orleans creates a Cajun Gozdilla—a forty-story crawdad that no one can understand. 

Shipping backups, skyrocketing fuel costs and a prolonged drought cause Midwest farmers to forsake agriculture for meth labs.  

Canada is all too happy to let aliens use their country as a base pad for an attack on America.

Doppler 4000 radar shows that Hurricane Zelda has the bomb. 

Stagflation grips the U.S. when rising inflation meets a record unemployment in bachelor party porn films. 

Good ol’ “American Know-How” proves to be based on a widely discredited 1845 mechanics handbook. 

Thanks to a pesky fly, the person dreaming our lives suddenly wakes up.