15 Phrases That Should Follow the Words “Michael Brown”

“…was last seen dressed as a giant muffler, directing traffic into a Midas shop.”

“…cannot believe they used his audition for the ‘so bad it’s funny’ episode of ‘American Idol.’”

“…apparently ticked off the wrong bear.”

“…has worked far too hard and waited far too long to let one bad decision end his gig as Applebee’s newest bartender.”

“…is missing and presumed not a police priority.”

“…appears confused and pantsless, according to passing motorists.”

“…can’t believe he walked into the only bear trap in Georgetown.’”

“…has shown remarkably little aptitude in his current role as Renaissance Fair scullion.”

“…has been driving his parents nuts since he had no choice but to move back home.”

“…was found 12 days too late, still in his suitcase as a result of no longer being able to afford an airline seat.”

“…is slowly adapting to his new life as a carny.”

“…went through the ice like that!”

“…awoke only to learn with great horror what the frat boys had done to him.”

“…is hoping his uncle wasn’t kidding about a possible job opening at the paint shop.”

“…was clearly not built for prison life.”