Alabama: Celebrating Man’s 3000 Years on Earth.

Alaska: Alaska Needs Women. Now.

Arizona: Grandpa Says "Hi!"

Arkansas: Excuse the Mess. We Weren’t Expecting Company.

California: A State of Emergency. Colorado: Rocky Mountains and, uh, Other Stuff.

Connecticut: Where Fully-Loaded Humvees and Fully-Armed Pick-Up Trucks Collide.

Delaware: You Just Passed Delaware.

Florida: Please Don’t Judge Us by Jacksonville.

Georgia: That Better Be a Tan, Son.

Hawaii: If Ever There Were a Place to Be Unemployed…

Idaho: What if God Said "Whatever."

Illinois: If We Didn’t Have Chicago We…We Don’t Know What We’d Do…

Indiana: Mistake or Not, We’re Still Glad You Came. Iowa: Live a Little. Very Little.

Kansas: Look at All Those Planes Fly Overhead.

Kentucky: The Derby Is to Us What Carnival Is to Brazil—The One Small Light at the End of a Very, Very Long Tunnel.

Louisiana: Man, What Did We Do Last Night?

Maine: Because Why Should Winter Only Last Three Months?

Maryland: 25 Years with an Aquarium.

Massachusetts: How Can the Sox Keep Doing This to Us?!?

Michigan: You’ll Think You Died. Minnesota: Land of 10,000 Lakes and 40,000 Applebee’s.

Mississippi: Send Help.

Missouri: Show Us What You Got. We Probably Need It.

Montana: No, We Don’t Have Any Plans for Tonight. You?

Nebraska: Let’s Just Say There Better Be Heaven.

Nevada: If Amsterdam Were No Longer Cool.

New Hampshire: Vermont with the Safety Off.

New Jersey: When You Can’t Afford Manhattan but You Just Can’t Move to Long Island.

New Mexico: Yes, It Can Get Even Hotter.

New York: Loved for about 30 Seconds back in 2001.

North Carolina: First in Flight, Almost Dead Last in Destination.

North Dakota: Our State Bird Froze to Death.

Ohio: We Close at 5.

Oklahoma: Before There Was a Musical There Was, Well, This…

Oregon: Just One More State and Then It’s Cheap Canadian Prescription Drugs.

Pennsylvania: So Important Once.

Rhode Island: Between the Mobil and the Krispy Kreme on Oak Street

South Carolina: North Carolina with a G.E.D.

South Dakota: Because Some Can Do Without.

Tennessee: Thank Us for the Country Music. Smack Us Because of the Country Music.

Texas: So Much to Apologize For.

Utah: The Bastard Child of Church and State.

Vermont: Come Back, Phish.

Virginia: The Mother of Presidents. The Whore of Big Tobacco.

Washington: No, the Other Washington.

West Virginia: Why Are You Laughing?

Wisconsin: Birth. Cheese. Beer. Death.

Wyoming: Wyoming and You. Now That Makes Four People.