"Medical Ailments You Damn Well Know You Didn’t Have Six Months Ago When You Started This Job"

"Items Discovered Missing from Office Desk Moments after Custodial Staff Has Passed Through"

"Coworkers You Would Like to See Expire at the Start of a ‘Six Feet Under’ Episode"

"Voicemail Messages That Have a Better Chance of Getting a Response from Jesus, Buddha or Mohammed Than by You Any Time Soon"

"Sales Department Functions That Could Easily Be Outsourced to a Lowly Monkey or Experienced Chicken"

"Office Rumors All Too Preposterous to Believe Yet All Too Satisfying to Dismiss"

"Words Muttered to Yourself after Passing Fellow Employee that More or Less Mean ‘Cocksucker’"

"Things Marketing Personnel Say That Make You Weep for Humanity"

"Reasons Teaching Suddenly Became a Viable Career Alternative"

"Luxury Model Cars You Would Drive over Senior Management upon Winning Lotto"

"Grudges Held against Employees No Longer with the Company"

"Employee Benefits You Repeatedly Point to When Asked Why You Are Still in a Job You Clearly Cannot Stand"

"Office Regulations Obviously Written by Those Who Once Rode the ‘Short Bus’"

"Things You Scream Inside Your Head during a Performance Review"

"Parts of a Cow that You Would Rather Stick Your Head into Than Spend Another Day in This Office"