Top Plans of Lottery Winners

• Immediately disavow any promised acts of largesse made to family and friends that began with the phrase “If I ever win the lottery…”
  
  
• Quit current job. Commence new career as “Mercurial Dilettante.”
  
  
• See if money can indeed buy class by diamond-encrusting every limb.
  
  
• Build three extra stories on garage. Purchase hovercrafts.
  
  
• Write, direct and produce sequel to "The Passion of the Christ" called "The Passion of the Christ: Back in Training."
  
  
• Find out just how often one can silence a room by immolating a Vermeer.
  
  
• Prove to neighbors you’re willing to fight “fire with fire” by replacing lawn gnomes with collection of working 18th century Spanish galleon canons.
  
  
• Set up diverse investment portfolio with half the winnings put in furs and the other half in revenge.
  
  
• Begin a lengthy series of cosmetic surgeries all in hope of one day resembling the Silver Surfer.
  
  
• Buy company out from under employer. Fire everyone. Spend workdays stealing office supplies without fear of reprisal.
  
  
• Start construction on personal Death Star. After taxes scale back project to a beach ball filled with arsenic.
  
  
• Realize that if one lottery ticket can win you $100 million, just think how much 100 million lottery tickets can win you.
  
  
• Purchase house with retractable roof to let in sun, Harrier jet.
  
  
• Only order meals made with generous helpings of saffron, platinum and stem cells.
  
  
• Forgo any philanthropic efforts in favor of purchasing West Virginia, West Virginians.
  
  
• Always be able to answer the question “Do you wanna rock?!” by implanting Fender guitar and amp in chest.
  
  
• Buy local Arena Football team. Buy charging rhinos. Create new sport with one-week season.
  
  
• Clone self. Engage in lengthy court battle to see which one is the rightful lottery winner.