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How
to Celebrate the Summer Indoors, in Your Cubicle, in Complete Denial
Francesco
Marciuliano
- Introduce
"two-piece" business casual.
- Install
a Slip n Slide on the escalator.
- Periodically
run up and down the office hallway, screaming "Ice cream
man! Ice cream man!"
- Replace
office chairs with patio furniture, the copier with a Weber
grill and your supervisor with a Slurpee machine.
- Forgo
business cards in favor of carefully marked water balloons.
- Find out
which employee has a pool. Show up at his house each morning,
en masse, in swim trunks, for "meetings."
- Gather
together a couple of your buddies and go "cruising"
around the office in the mail cart.
- Instead
of "hello" say "aloha," instead of "goodbye"
say "surfs up" and instead of "the finished
presentation is on your desk" say "God, I so fucking
wish I were in Hawaii right now."
- Introduce
"Summer Concert" conference calls (bring guitar).
- Bring
the outdoors inside. Release a swarm of cicadas on the senior
managers floor.
- Refer
to the summer intern as "cabana boy."
- Relive
the innocent joys of your childhood summers. Spend the majority
of your afternoons sneaking cheap beer.
- Rename
the conference room "the summer carnival," the hallway
"the boardwalk" and your cubicle "the nude beach."
- At 8,
drink your coffee out of pineapple shell. At 12, eat your lunch
out of a picnic basket. At 3, ask a coworker to apply a generous
layer of tanning oil on your back and hindquarters.
- Set off
the sprinkler systemset off some fireworks.
- Introduce
"Half-Price Margarita" PowerPoint presentations.
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