The
Drink at Work.com Summer
2005 Career Horoscope
Francesco
Marciuliano
Aquarius:
While you never imagined that one day you would be on your knees
pleading for your life, that's only a small indication of just how
poorly the company picnic will turn out to be.
Pisces:
Your company will experience a dramatic downturn in business when
it unveils its new corporate logo--a screaming clown brandishing
a blood-streaked knife.
Aries:
Your suggestion to rename the magazine "Backdoor Babes"
will be met by stunned silence from everyone at Newsweek.
Taurus:
Despite years of laudable service and exemplary conduct, you forever
will lose both the respect and authority of your department when
you casually remark, "I saw ‘Monster-in-Law’ this
weekend."
Gemini:
An office computer will achieve complete artificial intelligence
by Tuesday, but since it's located in the marketing department it
will score no higher than 76 on the I.Q. test.
Cancer:
Your long-planned Caribbean vacation will take a turn for the worse
when you discover you’re highly allergic to suntan lotion.
Leo:
Your motto "The More You Cry the Harder I Hit" will ultimately
fail to increase company morale.
Virgo:
Your insistence on using the term "clients" will only
further put off parishioners at your church.
Libra:
Although you proudly committed yourself to a career in academics,
the promise of "another $5 bill just like that one" will
ultimately cause you to take up the far more lucrative career of
refilling carnival claw machines instead.
Scorpio:
The phrase "I sure do like them Latinas" will prove no
way to start an out-of-office automatic email reply.
Sagittarius:
While it's true that everybody steals from the company, you will
be the only one to do so armed and with hostages.
Capricorn:
Tomorrow will be the last day you ever mention “Revenge of
the Sith” in the office again, for better and for worse.
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