Francesco Marciuliano

"I plan to drink heavily the third week of June. Whether I do that in Tahiti or in Conference Room A is entirely up to you."

"Now that I’ve got my ‘Bikini Inspector’s’ license it seems only right that I use it."

"The Bible says God rested for one day, so doesn’t it make sense that as Marketing Coordinator I should rest for at least seven?"

"It’s just that my wife and I have been planning this car trip for a long time—to Florida if you can give me all of next week off, to Vermont if I can only have half a week off and through your fucking living room if you expect me to come in next Monday."

"Ma’am, if you had seen those tarot cards you, too, would know why I have to be in Maui for all of July…and part of August."

"Looking back, yes, I should have made my vacation request before calling you from the plane."

"I was just picked for ‘Survivor: Paris.’"

"I’m going on a visionquest…with my family…on a Disney cruise…featuring the cast of ‘Lizzie Maguire.’"

"I’ve made a lot of mistakes over the years while working here. I admit that. I’ve made a lot of staggering, startling, exceedingly moronic mistakes…including how I’ve just begun this vacation request."

"What part of ‘I have to follow the Pixies tour’ are you having trouble understanding?"

"’Birds are the only living animals to have feathers’ is not a statement I’m willing to accept without an exhaustive eight-week expedition."

"I could have easily just called in sick next week. I could have. But instead I’m here, right before you, telling you directly to your face that I fully expect to be in a diabetic coma starting this Sunday night through the following Monday, weather permitting."

"What kind of a world do we live in where a man can’t simply ask for three weeks off to visit hash dens, S&M dungeons and satanic death masques without having to hear, ‘Perhaps you’re not Catholic elementary school teacher material’?!?"