Effects of Florida’s New NRA-Supported “Stand Your Ground” Law

In which a person under attack “has no duty to retreat and has the right to stand his or her ground and meet force with force, including deadly force.”

Citizens can recreate fun of “Deadwood” minus intelligent dialogue.

Children can realize the great feeling of self-reliance that can only come from being made an orphan.

Increased gunplay provides opportunity to turn nation’s crippling economy into an economy of cripples.

Devil Rays feel more pressure to actually win a game.

Tourists can experience the visceral thrill that is “Grand Theft Auto: Boca Retirement Community.”

Chances of seeing Mickey, Goofy and Donald in a Mexican standoff greatly increased.

Lets us show world that no one kills Americans faster and better than other Americans.

Contentious dads can now “take it to the next level” at children’s sporting events.

A sudden increase in “sole heirs” from once large, wealthy families.

“Wrong place, wrong time” overtakes cancer and obesity as the leading cause of death in the U.S.

Can now legally kill in defense of property, whether because an intruder entered your home or your next-door neighbor mis-planted their juniper bush.

By allowing everyone to shoot anywhere, Governor Jeb Bush proves that when he says he “values life,” he only means that of the unborn or clearly brain dead.

Only a matter of months before Florida legalizes lynching.

People less likely to break into your home, mug you on the street, engage you in conversation, make your acquaintance, give you CPR or apologize for plugging your kid when they exclaimed “Trick or treat!”

Finally Mississippi will have a state it can mock.