CRAIGSLIST
"ROOMMATE WANTED" ADS
“Wanted:
Ally in ongoing feud with third roommate. Must be on same page regarding
Christmas tree disposal.”
“Looking
for exceptionally cooperative, supportive, stay-at-home roommate
to replace helper monkey who thought he could just wash ALL my clothes
in cold water.”
“We
are a couple going through empty nest syndrome who want to share
our home and have it once more filled with the sounds of laughter.
You are five years old and like ponies.”
“Need
roommate with extra ticket to Radiohead’s Madison Square Garden
concert this June. Must be out of apartment by July.”
“I
have found the following ethnic, racial, religious and gender groups
just don’t get me and so do not make for good roommates…”
“Rent
to be determined by attractiveness of your elbow.”
“For
rent in Manhattan: Small fort made from sofa cushions. $900/month.
Pets OK.”
“Someone
who won’t get emotionally attached to plastic silverware that
comes with delivery food. Can’t believe I have to stress that.
Again.”
“If
you don’t know who Lion-O and Cheetara were, we’re gonna
have problems.”
“Six
more people and we can afford AC this summer!”
“Wanted:
Woman who is exact duplicate of my ex-girlfriend, only 20 lbs. lighter.
Maybe a real blond this time. Object: jealousy.”
“This
is a picture of my room. MY ROOM! NOT YOURS! MINE! Understand?”
“Another rabbi to help me pull off joke at bar.”
“Prefer
smart, successful professional who his good with bills and pending
litigation and stuff.”
“Free
room for anyone who will ghostwrite my three-book autobiography,
So Many Figurines.”
“Requirements:
Clean, pious Christian male furry. Preferably bunny.”
“Ladies,
ladies, ladies…”
“What
you see is what you get. No photos available.”
“Must
be ‘420 friendly.’ I’ll have large fries and an
apple pie to go. Wait, can you order McDonald’s food over
the Internet? Oh man, did I just type ‘Oh, man’?”
“Husband and wife seeking a female roommate “with benefits.”
Experience with light rigging and sound mixing a must.”
“Wanted:
Someone who is not Steve Lippman. Go to hell, Steve!”
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