QUOTES FROM BAD BACHELOR PARTIES

“Don’t throw out the gift ribbons! We need them to make the hat!”

“That is one loquacious mime.”

“Okay, so that’s three votes to watch porn and 12 votes to open up the Necrononicon…”

“Wait, we all brought Crystal Light?!?”

“Well, now he’s cornered us in the attic, jammed all our cell phone signals and has a gun. Seriously, Steve, I’m really beginning to hate your dog.”

“So we all do a shot whenever a player goes down a chute or up a ladder.”

“If God hasn’t forsaken us he does at least seem less than interested in getting us out of this shipping container.”

“All right, guys, let’s not make a federal case out of this by going across state lines.”

“Quick, turn up the volume! Bree’s about to say something nutty!”

"I swear to God, Greg, if you tampered with this weed I’m gonna so tear that horn off your head.”

“17, Dan! A haiku has 17 syllables! Do it again.”

“Why go all the way out to Vegas when we can bring it to us courtesy of National Lampoon and Chevy Chase?”

“Cut the blue wire! The blue wire!!!”

“Okay, my turn. Here’s the list of people I have harmed and am now willing to make amends to…”

“Why does she have to eat the ping pong balls first?”

“First, we’re not playing paintball. Second, you’ve been firing a Luger.”

“I spy with my little eye…”

“I know this is Tim’s big party and all but just how many hours does he expect us to tango for his amusement?”

“I’m beginning to think that none of us survived the gas leak.”

“Just press up, up, down, down left, right, left, right, b, a, start.”

“I thought you were going to get a stripper in a cake. So why do I only see 12 individual Bundt…oh dear God…”

“Read it and weep, fellas…Uno!”

“Listen, the sooner we all stop crying the sooner we can be done with this ritual.”

“First rule of Knife Club…”

“Keep it down, guys! My parents are sleeping.”

“I don’t believe it! There really was just candy in this piñata!”

“We all have such pretty, pretty dresses…”

“Neither of these roosters look like fighters.”

“When you said a grisly murder was committed in this cabin a long time ago did it involve 12 19th century-era children? Because they’re all staring at us through the patio doors.”

“Well, that was an awkward prisoner exchange.”