How to Help Coworkers Differentiate the Real You from Your Evil Parallel-Universe You Should You Ever Be in the Position of Pleading with Your Coworkers to "Shoot the Fake Me!"

• Noticeable proclivity toward murder
  
• Startlingly self-sufficient, goal-oriented
  
• Natural ease with most tools and weapons, be they projectile, serrated or telepathic
  
• In battle utters such remarks as "At last we meet," "Only you stand in my way" and "Bwahahahahaha!"
  
• Not given to whimsical japes
  
• Sports scar on left cheek from ax duel
  
• Smoldering gaze and intense demeanor a magnet for opposite sex
  
• Inevitably causes bar fight
  
• Cats hiss in presence, dogs howl, horses take flight
  
• Concludes even the most casual query with "Answer me!"
  
• Readily assumes Real You’s identity, savings account and lease
  
• Successfully defeats identical nemesis with well-placed punch through rib cage and spine
  

• Burst into tears upon running over first hooker in "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City"
  
• Stuck in same job, apartment, relationship, CD-of-the-month club for well over ten years
  
• Three months, still can’t get TiVo to record "The Office"
  
• In battle utters such remarks such "Oh God, no!" "Whatever you want it's yours, take it!" and "Charley horse! Charley horse!"
  
• Still trying to get guy behind deli counter to crack a smile…or at least give you the right cheese
  
• Sports scar on left cheek from old "Gnip-Gnop" competition gone horribly awry
  
• Has no idea what significant other means when they say, "Do that thing you did last night. I’ve never felt so fulfilled!"
  
• Inevitably stumbles upon aftermath of bar fight, only to be mistakenly identified and jailed
  
• Once chased by blue jay for nine blocks
  
• Concludes even the most forthright statement with "If that’s okay with you, of course"
  
• Loses job to someone described as "Just like you, only a real go-getter"
  
• Fails to win over identical nemesis by launching into "Let's Get Together" from Disney's "The Parent Trap"