"Yeah, I took all the Post-It Notes. I needed to leave dirty limericks on every coworker’s monitor."

"I had to unplug my office phone to make room for the Easy-Bake Oven. Cupcake?"

"I feel like dancing. Clear the conference table."

Ah, the two weeks after giving your employer notice. A time to lose the formality and forgo the inhibitions. A time to freely share your thoughts and frequently offer blunt advice. A time to drop your guard, dump the pretense and shit over every single person who has ever irked you, provoked you or simply sneezed in a manner you always found "too cute." A good time indeed.

Now, most career experts would no doubt caution you to use this brief time to maintain crucial business contacts, conclude any unfinished business and bid a fond adieu to coworkers and supervisors alike. They would certainly point out that corporate circles are nothing more than high school cliques with the means to pursue litigation and that news of your unseemly behavior will quickly spread, leading to a poor standing in your chosen profession. And they would surely mention that it is far better to leave your former manager in good spirits, rather than leave them in a race for their life due to an unleashed rottweiler in the office hallway.

We at Drink at Work.com are inclined to agree with the career experts. But we also know what it’s like to get so aggravated at work that you piss away an entire day reflecting on what you could accomplish with just a Fungo bat and 15 minutes with the new parent in the next cubicle over who now uses the word "poopy" as frequently as the word "the." We also know both the temptation and exhilaration of acting on your basest impulses, especially when the worst possible outcome is getting a police escort from a building you were planning on leaving anyway but hadn’t yet scored the ride to do so. So to that end we offer you the following "projects" to help you not only kill the two weeks after giving notice but also put an end to years of work-related frustrations…that is, until you’re set up in your new office:

• Take a bite out of everyone’s lunch in the pantry refrigerator. Follow it up by writing concise reviews of the meal on each bag, ranging from "Yummy!" to "Had to spit it back."
  
  
• Look at pictures of your coworkers’ kids with a far more critical eye, citing not so much insufficient photography skills but rather their poor choice in film subjects.
  
  
• Use your office chair as a means of transportation, as a shopping cart between trips to the stationery closet and as a battering ram.
  
  
• Interrupt important department meetings by blurting out, "Hey, I just had the sexiest idea…"
  
  
• Determine which looks cuter dressed in a bunny outfit, the copier machine or the vending machine.
  
  
• Whenever a coworker brings up their religious convictions in polite conversation respond, "Dude, my god could so kick your god’s ass."
  
  
• Lighten the mood and level the playing field with spot-on imitations of every single senior executive with a physical disability.
  
  
• Whenever a department manager makes a corny joke slow-clap for 15 straight minutes.
  
  
• Say "Watch out!" instead of "Excuse me," "Jump back!" instead of "You don’t say" and "Kiss my fat ass!" instead of "I thought it would be nice to tear up the office carpeting and expose the hardwood flooring underneath."
  
  
• Try a different style of clothing each day at the office, from "business casual" to "beachwear" to "astronaut."
  
  
• Whenever a coworker asks why you’re leaving the company quickly turn around and exclaim, "It’s you, okay! It’s always been you! Ever since the first moment I laid eyes on you during orientation it’s been you! AND IT KILLS ME TO SAY IT!!!"
  
  
• Forgo the Xerox machine by making copies of important business meeting documents with Silly Putty instead.
  
  
• Try to start a conga line with every person who passes by you in the hallway.
  
  
• Should your boss make a rather incisive remark, say "Well, you put a hundred monkeys in a hundred offices for a hundred years and one of them is bound to say the right thing."
  
  
• Shout "Make it spicy!" during brainstorming sessions.
  
  
• Spend your final workdays making "Lite Brite" designs with the floor buttons on each elevator.
  
  
• On your last day, give each of your coworkers a great big hug as you say, "Working with you guys has been a remarkable experience and the lessons I learned here I know I won’t soon forget. But now it’s time for me to head out that door, go home and wash off this sticky layer of chocolate fudge I poured all over my body.