The year was 1200 BC in Ancient Greece. Playwright Eurischylus’ latest theatrical magnum opus, "And Then at the Last Minute the Gods Came in and Made Everything All Right Much to the Delight of the Chorus," had wowed the critics (including a young Frank Rich) but closed in two weeks after both failing to attract the coveted male teen audience (which, given the life span of your average Greek citizen back then, was around age eight) and having to compete with Disney’s newest original musical production, a remake of "Medea" done with ponies. Meanwhile, the great god Zeus still managed to allude paternity suit after paternity suit by picking up women in the form of a swan, a Holstein bull and, according to one plaintiff, a rather aggressive ring-tailed lemur named "Toby." And, most important of all, the Trojan Wars had begun, amid much media speculation that the rescue of Helen of Troy was merely a political front for the true cause of combat, olive oil.

• The right mentor is like you, only better: At Drink at Work.com, our staff mentor articulates our concerns and career plans so clearly and at such a higher level of understanding than we do that we’re now afraid to open our mouth ever again, for fear of causing chimps to snicker with derision. He also dresses with far greater flair than we do, associates with a far more enviable circle of associates than we know and, unlike us, would never be caught at a corporate dinner requesting a doggie bag and a "to go" cup of wine. In other words, the more your mentor makes you look at yourself with utter contempt, the better.
  
  
• The right mentor is a person of substance: The ideal mentor provides more than just advice. They offer instruction as well as the moral and philosophical wisdom necessary for one to make the right decisions. Think of Master Kan in the 1970’s TV series "Kung Fu." Remember how Kan would teach young Kwai Chang Caine (an obviously American David Carradine) that "weakness prevails over strength and gentleness conquers" only to then have his protégé press his bare arms against a boiling cauldron of oil for reasons Kan would only explain with a bemused shrug? Remember how Kan would have his eager charge try and try again to snatch a leaf from his 103-year-old arthritic hand, chuckling heartily every time he failed? Remember how Kan would repeatedly "pants" Caine in front of all the assembled Shaolin priests? True, some would remark that Master Kan had clearly gone insane with old age and was now finding delight in tormenting the only supposedly Chinese man to make Marlon Brando’s character in "The Teahouse of the August Moon" look 100% Asian by comparison. But those of us truly in the know realized Kan was doing what any good mentor would do—ensuring his protégé didn’t wind up being a pussy. After all, it’s a tough world out there and Kan wanted to make certain that his young charge had the wherewithal —the cashews, if you will—to handle any obstacle that may come his way.
  
  
• The right mentor knows his or her limits: A good mentor will instinctively know their boundaries of involvement in your life. They won’t call you in the middle of the night crying over ex-lovers. They won’t ask you to cover their rent "just this once." And they won’t interrupt your important questions with "Does this look like a pimple or a canker sore to you?"