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Triumphs
and Tribulations of a
Victorian-Era Superhero
- Unable to
prevent evildoer from burning down London because of villain’s
higher social standing.
- Duke of
York killed when superhero refuses to accept ransom note written
on inappropriate stationery.
- A disastrous
faux pas in flower selection leads archnemesis to believe superhero
“hopes for a return of affection.”
- Superhero
routinely lauded in papers for his extraordinary skill with anagrams,
rebuses and all manners of party games.
- Superhero
regularly late to scene of crime due to dresser’s arthritic
hands.
- Absence
of dinner plate charger in his table setting leads public to wonder
if superhero really is super after all.
- When asked
what’s the best defense against criminals, superhero replies
“Typhoid.”
- Regular
morning devotional, leisurely lunch, afternoon excursion, high
tea, penmanship lesson, unhurried visit with the Vicar, nine-course
dinner and evening game of Whist leaves only 15 minutes a day
for crimefighting.
- Nation taken
with superhero’s battle cry, “Fight we must, but elegantly
as well as wholesomely.”
- Secret lair
revealed to be an opium den with fainting couch.
- When superhero’s
services are in need, constables are quick to flash his signal—a
scone with just a soupcon of clotted cream.
- Superhero’s
wondrous robotic sidekick “Electric Boy” is learned
to be a midget encased in copper.
- Aestheticism
movement brings about a whole host of fellow superheroes known
for their refined tastes, dedication to artistic beauty and frail
bone structure.
- Superhero
shaken to core when villain threatens, “I shall reveal my
true intentions at the tea dance.”
- Industrial
Revolution proves superhero isn’t immortal after all. He’s
just never been attacked with any sort of formidable weapon until
now.
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