-
Manager
has gone from throwing temper tantrums to hurling office equipment.
-
Company
recently switched over to Christian Scientist HMO.
-
Board
meetings suddenly feature far more Yakuza members than thought
typical.
-
Personal
motto “Never give up, never surrender” replaced
with “Oh Christ, it’s morning.”
-
Expense
accounts now consist entirely of Val-Pak coupons and quarter
for "emergency calls."
-
When
someone with your same name joins the firm, longtime coworkers
start calling you “Other Steve.”
-
Every
time you conclude a presentation you hear someone cough “blow
job.”
-
Request
for raise answered with “Fight you for it.”
-
While
getting lunch at McDonald’s you spy posting for new employees
and say, “Do I dare dream?”
-
Workplace
romance ended same way it began—drunk, screaming and in
full view of everyone at the holiday office party.
-
Your
interoffice emails are now 90% curse words.
-
Asked
about company’s current slate of clients, your supervisor
wistfully stares into space for upwards of an hour.
-
You
openly sob on elevator ride up each day.
-
Verbal
office communication is forbidden to quell dissent.
-
When
pondering next career move you wonder what’s the technical
difference between "serial killer" and "spree
killer.”
-
Merit
bonuses substituted with "Your choice from the supply closet."
-
Boss
notifies staff of impending deadline with air horn.
-
You
find yourself increasingly prone to fights at work, home and
church.
-
You
now refer to every employee with the same nickname—“Dick."
-
When
fire alarm goes off you close your eyes, calmly recline in chair
and mutter, “Ah, sweet release.”
