Francesco Marciuliano

In an economy of limited opportunities, it may behoove you to seek employment outside the usual roster of positions. That’s why we’re offering an occasional series of self-examinations to help you determine if the road less traveled is indeed the career path for you, starting with:

Do You Have What It Takes to Be a Supervillain?

1. What would you say is your greatest strength?

a. My ease with others.
b. My willingness to face any challenge.
c. My death ray.

 

2. What do you do in times of professional stress?

a. Regroup and refocus.
b. Brainstorm solutions with colleagues.
c. Eliminate France.

 

3. Where do you see yourself in five years?

a. Taking a more active role in the firm.
b. Wiser and even better prepared for the tasks ahead.
c. Cackling with evil delight on a throne of diamonds and gold while the world kneels before you.

 

4. Complete this sentence: An organization’s most precious resource is its_____

a. creativity.
b. commitment.
c. army of nuclear-armed, robotic arachnids.

 

5. On a resume, what do you list as your "career objective"?

a. Seeking fast-paced, challenging environment.
b. Taking next step in profession with a demanding management role.
c. Controlling the weather.

How to score: Give yourself one point for every "a," five points for every "b" and 1,000 points for every "c."

5 to 10: Have you considered social work?

11 to 25: Never discount the joys of sales.

1,000 to 2000: You don't want to control the world so much as just be left alone to your own devices...mostly those that spray acid.

2,001 to 3,000: When losing in a game of Monopoly you tend to throw all the playing pieces in the air. When losing in a game of baseball you tend to take your bat and ball and go home. When losing in a game of wills you tend to turn up the electrodes attached to your opponent's genitals to "11."

3,001 to 4,000: To you the world is like one big "Risk" game board, every country ripe for the taking and complete control seemingly just a lucky throw of the dice away. But like so many would-be evil rulers before you, you forget the most important tactic of geopolitical domination--"always secure Indonesia."

4,001 to well, 4,005: You almost have everything you need. Evil minions? Check. Thermonuclear weaponry? Check. Natty attire? Check. You're so close...but as any career counselor will tell you, until you get your act together and finally move out of your parents house you simply won't be taken seriously by anyone.

5,000: Commence pricing of underground lairs, tractor beams and health benefits for henchmen.