…NASA is sending the old ship out in style, Norse style. Sure, everyone likes a Viking Funeral — gave one to half my family already including a few who were just sleeping heavily, that’s how much I like them — but some in the press have already complained that NASA lit the death pyre too early and that more dramatic shots would have occurred later in the flight. NASA, to their credit, used a calm and controlled tone when explaining to the press that pyres will not stay lit in space and that furthermore re-designing the shuttle to include an aerodynamic version of a medieval sailing vessel’s mast and victory shield bar was “enough of a challenge.” No word back yet on if the Shuttle’s hastily assembled Multi-Hue Shield Paneling allowed it safe transport across the Rainbow Bridge so that Endeavor could enjoy eternity swilling jet mead in the halls of his fathers. Hoist a morning pint in honor of the shuttle!

TO ENDEAVOR! TO RAGNAROK! TO ESCAPE VELOCITY!

Doesn’t this title sound like the beginning of a monologue from the town dance-bully?

DANCE BULLY
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE, Huh? Is that it? Is that what you think, dork? Well me and the guys have a little lesson to teach you about real dancing. Guys, step ball chain and pivot around on this dweeb until he knows who can really dance in this town.

(leans in real close, whispers) We’re letting you off easy for now. Next time, we’ll bring our tap shoes.

And we have the exclusive jpg of this totally real and not hastily put together on photoshop official document!

FULL LETTER AFTER THE JUMP…

…because it’s not only the strongest shape in known mathematics, it’s also the most talkative.

…is the only bird with commando style plumage, that is to say, a thin covering of feathers with nearly nothing but hot naked bird underneath. Few bird watchers feel comfortable searching for this terrifyingly alluring avian without a clergyman or some representative from the chaste community…

MORE AFTER THE JUMP

Great. So my research lab found the gene that causes depression and I was a major part of that discovery. But so what? It’s not like someone else couldn’t have done that. It’s not like I’m a genius or anything just because I went to Yale. I’m not. I used to think the word “idea” was spelled “idear” because that’s how my parents said it.

So who cares. It’s just a gene. All this science stuff is stupid anyway.

You know, people come up to me and ask if I know Dr. House. For real. I’m not even a practicing medical doctor, nor do I work in a hospital. NOR AM I A FICTIONAL TV CHARACTER. But, hey, I discovered the gene that is the root cause of all human unhappiness, so that counts for something…right? Yeah, probably not.

I’m gonna go watch all 6 seasons of Highlander: the series in my bathrobe.

In my bathtub.

Whatever.