As we all know, Earth Day is coming up on November 3, which is also when you can vote if you’re a Democrat in a swing state like Ohio.* So to prepare, we’re counting down till the event with a tip a day! Only 212 days to get the word out, but don’t worry, it’s a totally sustainable stunt we’re pulling here! HAR HAR!
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TIP #212
Don’t just dance like no one is watching. Dance with a thermal capture unit or TCU attached to the thermal excretion points on your body. Did you know that 90% of your body’s heat leaves through your skull? (Incidentally this is the same weak spot through which demons can enter!**)
Attach a TCU to your skull, typically called a skullcap when attached here, and start moving and grooving in your SUV on the way to work at one of the five companies remaining– instead of taking a bus which uses waaayyyyy more fuel than one car, or worse, walking, which can lead to premature osteoporosis as well as clubmouth.***
You want proof that it works? Just look at the Jews! They’ve been wearing skullcaps for centuries and nothing seems to be able to destroy them! Talk about sustainable! HAR HAR!!!
That’s it for today. See you tomorrow right back here at ECO TIPS EARTH DAY COUNTDOWN.
Looking for previous ECO TIPS? Well stop looking, idiot. They’re right here.
*Source: GOP Blue Voter Assistance Guidebook, Regnery Press
** Source: GOP Home Schooling Anatomy Guidebook, Regnery Press
***Source: GOP Talking Points on Public Transportation Guidebook, Regnery Press
A little context: In order to assuage my roiling insecurity over the successes of my former LAMDA classmates — Benedict Cumberbatch being at the top of that illustrious list — I have decided to take the high road and make ridiculous pie charts about them all, filled with insidiously implausible (so implausible they just might be plausible) rumors which I hope to be spreading soon. How is this the high road?
If you knew me, you wouldn’t have to ask that. Hope you enjoy the pie chart, BC, and congratulations.
I loved this. And I hope our Italian fashion designing web-titular doppelganger at “I DRINK AT WORK” like it too. To be fair I only mention them so I can use the word doppelganger again today. I have a 5 “doppelganger” quota today.
In short, this is brilliant. It’s also lifdenimal castemenic doppelganger bramof tonjee.
You watch No Prior Knowledge every Thursday. You own all of the NPK merch that’s out there.* And you’re thinking of setting fire to your fingertips, calling yourself Carrie and dragging me underground with you so that we can be together forever and ever and ever. That’s how much you love NPK. But you still have one question for me as I take on what may be the 5th most beloved fantasy series, and the 56th best written, of all time…and that question is:
Does this episode feature me pushing the Fantasy Novel Title Randomization Button on my computer to duplicate the genius behind a title as wonderfully creative as “GAME OF THRONES?” You bet! Now hit play and let’s do this.
As we all know, Earth Day is coming up on November 3, which is also when you can vote if you’re a Democrat in a swing state like Ohio.* So to prepare, we’re counting down till the event with a tip a day! Only 212 days to get the word out, but don’t worry, it’s a totally sustainable stunt we’re pulling here! HAR HAR!
