Today we’re going to talk about Peak Oil. Where is this mysterious mountain? Has anyone climbed it? CAN anyone climb a mountain made of oil? Let’s find out!

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For decades now, oil industry insiders have talked in hushed, greasy tones about the possibility of Peak Oil but until today when I wrote this article, no one had ever heard of it. That’s because I have journalism integration.

You can see why it’s practically a state secret though, right? If you found a mountain made of life-giving oil, would you have the decency to tell an oil company where it was so that THEY and not YOU would get the badly needed profits? I know I might not! (Ahem, payments on that second Escalade, I’m talking to you! HAR HAR!)

So where could this legendary peak be? Most people who are considered serious oil-ologists believe the peak is probably somewhere far away and hard to get to. How do we conquer it then? Well, already several failed expeditions have been launched to find it. I say failed because none have returned. None except all of them. Chilling numbers.

The good news, that we know the peak exists. It’s a fact (source: oil industry). All we need to do now is relax about oil ever running out because now we KNOW without a doubt or corroboration that a literal mountain of oil is there to fill in the multi-million barrel a day shortfall this nation alone will experience in under 10 years when the wells in Saudi Arabia, which are already severely depleted ,will also have to dole out their sustenance to the then-2nd World emerging economies of India and China.

Phew!

Until then, let’s hope we find that Peak Oil so we can get some badly needed oil-boarding in this winter, right? Cowabunga!

Above: What Peak Oil might look like once it opened a resort with full ski lift. The future is radical!