There are plenty. Just look at these three employment gems I found in under ten hours!

Yes only two of these are real… but that just means some savvy entrepreneur out there could take advantage of the gaping economic hole that is the Dominican chainsaw cage match industry.

1. This is NYC and much like “UGGs” and “The North Face” jackets, a cold is always the “it” thing to have.

2. Carol Hartsell.

3. You want to be just miserable enough to complain through hundreds of heavy sighs per hour.

4. Someday, they’ll find a way for snot to equal cold hard cash, so why not take a chance on that day being today?

5. Tomato Soup and Grilled Cheese.

6. You want to hear how much worse everyone else’s cold is than yours.

7. The possibility of giving your cold to long time friends (see: #2).

8. Your favorite phrase spoken by others is “Guh, stay away from me”.

9. The possibility that it may be much more than a cold, giving you the ability to start a new global pandemic just by sneezing into the water supply.

10. That Kleenex box isn’t going to run out of itself!

“A COBRA ESCAPING FROM THE BRONX ZOO IS THE

PERFECT METAPHOR FOR OUR ECONOMY”

Part of the TILES TO GO BEFORE I SLEEP series by Sanford Tiles

There are few events that have come as close to perfectly describing through anology or metaphor how our economy functions, or doesn’t rather, as the recent escape of a poisonous Egyptian cobra from the Bronx Zoo has. So let us use this moment in time to better understand the very complex and equally fraught with peril phenomenon that is our globalized national economy.

To begin, we must think of the trade deficit with China as one of the cobra’s poison producing glands. The other gland is represented by the looming energy crisis. Either of these alone is capable of paralyzing our nation’s metaphorical nervous system, but together they would stop our economic heart in seconds! Now the fangs must be thought of as an extension of conservative fiscal zealotry…

MORE AFTER THE JUMP…