EXT: VINNY CALAMETI, the youngest crime boss in Brattleboro, VT, prepares for the annual “Feast of the Locally Grown Vine-Ripen Tomato”. He is accompanied by his vested and gay body guard, DARIUS CAESAR.

DARIUS CAESAR

Boss, what’s wrong? You usually love the Feast of the Locally Grown Vine-Ripen Tomato.

VINNY

No I don’t!

DARIUS CAESAR

Is it my vest? I went out on a limb with it, I know… But it just felt right.

VINNY

I don’t care about your dumb vest, alright?

DARIUS CAESAR

Have a tomato.

VINNY

I HATE tomatoes.

DARIUS CAESAR

Yesterday, you loved them.

VINNY

Well, today I hate them, okay?

DARIUS CAESAR

You want me to shoot your brother in the knee again? That always cheers you up.

VINNY

NOOO… I don’t WANT anyTHING.

DARIUS CAESAR

Okaay…

VINNY

There’s nothing to do here. It’s all trees and churches. IT’S BORING.

DARIUS CAESAR

We moved here for the schools, you know that.

VINNY

I hate school. Fuck school.

DARIUS CAESAR

Your mother would slap you in the head if she heard you use that word.

VINNY

You mean if I didn’t cut her brakes last month?

DARIUS CAESAR

I can’t talk to you when you’re like this. I need a cigarette.

VINNY

Fag.

DARIUS CAESAR

Excuse me, young man?

VINNY

Your cigarette. That’s what they call a cigarette in England – “A fag”. DUH.

DARIUS CAESAR (under his breath)

What a little bitch.

VINNY

I know you are, but what am I?

DARIUS CAESAR

…

VINNY

Leave your gun here.

DARIUS CAESAR

FINE.

DARIUS CAESAR leaves his gun. VINNY picks it up and shoots his brother in the knee.

BROTHER

AHHH! AGAIN? WHY????

DARIUS CAESAR (rolling his eyes and motioning for the gun back)

Feel better?

VINNY

SHUT UP. Put this tomato on your head and stand by that tree.

DARIUS CAESAR reluctanatly does as he’s told. VINNY sloppily aims and fires.

VINNY

Shit.

FADE OUT

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