EXT: VINNY CALAMETI, the youngest crime boss in Brattleboro, VT, prepares for the annual “Feast of the Locally Grown Vine-Ripen Tomato”. He is accompanied by his vested and gay body guard, DARIUS CAESAR.

DARIUS CAESAR

Boss, what’s wrong? You usually love the Feast of the Locally Grown Vine-Ripen Tomato.

VINNY

No I don’t!

DARIUS CAESAR

Is it my vest? I went out on a limb with it, I know… But it just felt right.

VINNY

I don’t care about your dumb vest, alright?

DARIUS CAESAR

Have a tomato.

VINNY

I HATE tomatoes.

DARIUS CAESAR

Yesterday, you loved them.

VINNY

Well, today I hate them, okay?

DARIUS CAESAR

You want me to shoot your brother in the knee again? That always cheers you up.

VINNY

NOOO… I don’t WANT anyTHING.

DARIUS CAESAR

Okaay…

[More after the jump]

DAW: So, Leonard… You driving home like that?

LN: I have a dentist appointment.

DAW: That… Makes sense.

LN: And I like the uniform. CHICKS like the uniform.

DAW: Fat chicks.

LN: ESPECIALLY fat chicks.

DAW: Sure. So, a Buick, eh? Are you a fan of the American automobile?

LN: Oh, definitely. I think Spock would totally drive American.

DAW: Even though he’s from another planet?

LN: Vulcan.

DAW: Right. Vulcan.

LN: I happen to know, from a rather reliable source, that Vulcan is a giant importer of the American automobile.

DAW: Reliable source… About cars on Vulcan?

LN: Our writers, of course.

DAW: Of Course.

DAW: Well, this has been… Odd. Thanks for talking with us.

LN: My pleasure. Would you like a ride? I just installed a bitchin’ new Blaupunkt sound system.

DAW: Uh, no. I think we’re good. Enjoy the dentist.

LN: Suit yourself! Too Infinity and BEYOND!

DAW: Live long in prosper.

LN: Whatevs. Later, bitches.

I like Etsy.com. I’ve sold things on Etsy and when my wife was unemployed, their easy-to-use shop saved our married asses. Still, because it is on the Internet, Etsy has some, uh… “Unique” items for purchase among the hand-made screen printing and extreme crafting.

“Beardies” seem to fit the bill quite nicely…

[More after the jump]