HOLLYWOOD – Tea Party activists. Progressives. Libertarians. Socialists. Republicans and Democrats, liberals and conservatives. Even the anarchists. Americans of every political stripe and ideology put aside their deep-seated differences last night, finally finding one issue they could all agree on: how mightily the 2011 Oscars broadcast sucked.

All across this great land, unifying cries of “Worst broadcast ever!” “Who the hell wrote this?” “Was Franco high? He was high, right?” “It’s enough now with all the gowns!” and “Is it me, or do they have zero chemistry together?” could be heard from indie coffee houses in Brooklyn to open-plan kitchen/family rooms in Arizona… and everywhere in between. Even President Obama and his Republican opponents were seen trading several “You see that trainwreck?” looks this morning.

Experts predict this miraculous sense of national unity will fade steadily over the course of the week, as morning shows and the E! network ruin everyone’s good vibes with endless, shrill rehashes of the telecast and its accompanying fashion moments.