1. I wish Christmas was already over

2. Why do I not like Christmas anymore? Did I ever really like it?

3. Temporarily locked out of system after too many incorrect password attempts

4. In 2011, no more kidding around

5. Mounting bills

6. My mother is obsessed with weather

7. I love my dog

8. Bill Needle

9. Jumbo Machinders

10. Gray hair

You know how you wake up one morning and you’ve got a lot to do, but instead you just spend a few hours watching campaign videos made by high school and junior high school students on YouTube? Well, today has been one of those days for me. And I now feel so inspired by what I’ve seen, it is a moral imperative that I share some of these gems with you all week long.

First up, we have a searing indictment of post 9/11 America in Phillip Flinchum’s campaign video for class president of his Wisconsin high school. Remember, you always tell the hardest truths first:

Anthony, Carol, Corey and Sean are out the office until Monday, December 13th. Anthony won’t leave the house, Carol disappeared in the garden two days ago, Corey refuses to wear pants and Sean is dead from a head cold (in lieu of flowers, please send Fallout 3).

If you have a Drink at Work emergency, please contact Ned. He hasn’t posted in weeks, but has a nice way of making you feel like he knows what he’s talking about.

Enjoy your weekend. We won’t.

- Your Drink at Work Bartenders

Where is everyone? I got in early this morning, turned the lights on, and nothing. Even Carol’s usual breakfast, those microwave-chocolate-cakes-for-one, was nowhere to be found. Sean’s XBox, or whatever he plays for 9 hours at a stretch, was ice cold. And Corey’s whiskey bottle levels were way too high for his usual pre-noon thirst.

My theory is they’re all out right now buying me Christmas presents. They’re all bundled up, laughing and skipping, and each one saying what they like most about me. Uh-oh, Corey just tousled Sean’s hair! Now Carol just crossed her arms in mock-anger and made a “you crazy guys!” face.

Then they all stop and get serious for a second. One of them (it doesn’t matter which) declares that all joking aside, I’m pretty much the best thing that has ever happened to any of them. And the other two agree. Maybe they even cry a little, and all at once they all scream how this is going to be the best Christmas ever!

Or maybe they’re all just busy. I don’t really care.