The end-of-year list-making mania continues, and today’s inclusion is probably my favorite. I see a lot of movies, and a lot of them end up being awful. Like, you have no idea. And 2010 seemed to be something of an overachiever when it came to crap films. Ranking them by degree of crapitude is actually a necessary therapy, otherwise I might do something rash.

But what was the worst of the worst? Well that’s easy:

THE ABSOLUTE WORST MOVIES OF 2010

1. Sex and the City 2
It’s rare for a movie to be this aggressively bad, especially when it’s part of a beloved, successful TV and film franchise. Whether it was the worse-than-usual puns, the recession or the cultural tone-deafness, this was a tour de force of awfulness.

2. Eat Pray Love
Beautiful to look at, as long as you don’t listen to Julia Roberts’ character’s lamentations about being spiritually unfulfilled. It’s two and a half hours of yuppie faux-spirituality, objectifying native cultures and rampant self-absorption.

3. For Colored Girls
Tyler Perry’s clumsy adaptation — and even clumsier direction — left his stellar cast of actresses twisting in the wind. It was like “Precious” meets “Love Actually,” with the worst possible results.

4. Robin Hood
Ridley Scott’s bloated, plodding retelling of the origins of Sherwood Forest’s most famous resident, played by a scowling, grumbly Russell Crowe, was almost as boring as it was needlessly mean to the French. And it turns out it was all just set-up for a sequel. Wishful thinking there, guys.

5. Valentine’s Day
A rom-com omnibus packed with pretty faces in various states of romantic distress, this overstuffed confection is about as aggressively sweet as they come. But in case you didn’t get enough, the folks behind it have “New Years Eve” on tap next.

6. Clash of the Titans
This remake’s worst crime was tossing the original’s bright colors and campiness for a dour, gray slog through Ancient Greece, all led by a smile-averse Sam Worthington, who’s seriously running the risk of proving he has no range.

7. the Back-Up Plan
Jennifer Lopez’s latest bid at box office domination came off instead like a how-to guide for getting the romantic comedy genre wrong. Luckily, audiences apparently agreed.

8. Dinner for Schmucks
It seems impossible for a movie starring Steve Carell and Paul Rudd — and featuring a Zach Galifianakis cameo — to be so aggressively unfunny, but “Dinner for Schmucks” achieves the impossible. You have to at least give it credit for that.

9. Jonah Hex
Somehow, Josh Brolin managed to appear in the best and worst westerns this year, getting top billing in both the superb “True Grit” and this turkey. Unfortunately, this misfiring comic book adaptation was the one where he got the lead.

10. Yogi Bear
The best thing about it was the fake alternate ending leaked online in which Boo-Boo shoots Yogi like Jesse James.

Tune in tomorrow for the last of my lists, the Best Movies of 2010 Nobody Saw.

2 Responses to “Avalanche of Top 10 Lists: Part the Second”

1. zach galifianakis says:

   December 23, 2010 at 3:14 pm

   I think robin hood was good
2. Liz says:

   January 1, 2011 at 4:27 pm

   “needlessly mean to the French” ??
   You DO realise that the French under King Philippe actually DID invade England in King John’s reign and marauded all the way up to Lincoln ?

   And “Little Fockers” was faaaaaaaarrrrr worse than “Robin Hood”.