With this ring, I in the darkness bind you.

10. I promise to be there for you during the bad times and during commercials.

9. I will be the Helper to your Hamburger.

8. In sickness and in health, inside of you and and all over you…

7. You know, when you meet your wife-to-be at the site of a vehicular homicide for which you are both responsible and from which you are the only two out of hundreds to escape not only alive but unscathed…

6. The comet is coming. The comet…is coming.

5. The French have a word for a woman who marries only for money and who feels nothing for her fellow humanity except disgust and fear…

4. With this Double Down 4th Meal Bucket ‘O Deep Fried Burrito Wings, I thee wed.

3. As I learned growing up in the Deep South, freedom ain’t free. Well, as I learned when I first met Debbie in Times Square, neither is an Around The World.

2. A lot of people used to tell me, “Hey you’re that clone I saw on the news! You should marry another copy of yourself!” At first I thought they were crazy, but…

1. They say that pussy ain’t everything. Well whoever said that ain’t never met Doreen here.