College tuition keeps rising. The job market is still collapsing. America can’t seem to recover economically. But here’s the good news! When we finally hit rock bottom, wages will be so low and working conditions so poor, that all those manufacturing jobs over seas will finally return to us!

That’s why you should start teaching your child today to embrace the 16 hour shifts of mindless, repetitious labor that will be its tomorrow!

“Dr. Drew is still alive?”

If that’s not the first question you asked yourself when you heard this season was happening, you watch too much reality TV. Also, you might be a redneck.

I am not a writer. I am a creative, an artist, a humorist and a sometimes satirist. But I’m not a writer. I have not written a novel or a book of short stories. I do not know the first thing about constructing poetry and the very idea of having to write theses words gives me flop sweat. Words scare me. The English language scares me.

But I need words and our language to effectively convey what I think is funny/hilarious/guffaw-inducing. I’m constantly learning the the language, the nuances and more effective ways to basically, WRITE a joke. I’m learning. All the time.

So, when I get over the horrible hump that is writing comedy, when I finally reach the euphoria of what I think may be an original, well-planned gag, nothing deflates my ego balloon faster than a grammar correction from the peanut gallery. I can’t tell you in words (irony) how much of a slap to the face it is to have written something so funny that you can’t wait to get it out to the masses, only to hear, “You used ‘it’s’ incorrectly”. There was a joke there, dingus. A fucking joke.

Luckily, we have people in the world like Stephen Fry, who are such masters of words and language that they can convey what we in the creative world so want to SCREAM everyday, but just can’t find the words (possible run-on sentence)

Thank you Stephen Fry, for this: