Autumn. What a great time of year in almost every corner of the country, except maybe Southern California, where they lack seasons. And souls. The Fall season is especially Utopian if you happen to reside in the Northeast. I’m lookin’ at you, NYC.

With every great reward, however, comes an equal and horrible punishment (I grew up Catholic). If you’re anything like me, that punishment is the coming hammer of Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. The impending lack of sunlight and certain doom of Winter can overwhelm even the strongest of cynics.

Fortunately, Drink at Work Labs™ has been hard at work developing new and revolutionary pharmaceuticals, so without further explanation, here are five of our latest SAD medications. Pending FDA approval, of course.

You’re welcome.

Scaffolidin

You’re outside and you’re depressed. Obviously, the sky is falling and we understand. That’s why Drink at Work partnered with Eli Lilly pharmaceuticals to bring you SCAFFOLIDIN™ (Girderlin Panelate). Taken in the recommended 14 times daily dosage, you’ll be so high that you’ll think you’re physically propping up the sky! SCAFFOLIDIN™: Keep the sky up where it belongs, in God’s house.

Trulexa XR

Chance are, if you’re really depressed enough to take pills with Wonder Women on the bottle, there’s actually something wrong with you. Made from the fibers of Wonder Woman’s magic lasso, TRULEXA XR (rope) will have you reciting your deepest and true reasons for your SAD depression – Most likely to anyone who will listen, depending on when you start medicating.

TRULEXA XR: The SAD truth in every bottle.

Sunbaltify

Studies have shown the main reason we fall victim to Seasonal Affective Disorder is, the shorter days of Winter provide less of the sun’s precious heat and light. In an amazing scientific breakthrough, Drink at Work has perfected the process of harnessing actual solar flares into an easy to swallow caplet! Just one dose daily of SUNBALTIFY™ (Hydrogenated Sun Spots) and you’ll be filled with the 1,000,000 kilojoules of energy needed to heat an entire galaxy of Class M planets.

Who needs a desk lamp when you have SUNBALTIFY™.

IndieImmune

At the Drink at Work Labs, we have conducted study after study showing that Indie music, like that of THE NATIONAL and RADIOHEAD compound the symptoms of SAD in dramatic fashion. However, our studies have also shown that the #1 act performed by those suffering from Season Affective Disorder is to continue to listen to the likes of THE NATIONAL, even when in the throws of a hysterical fit of depressive tears.

Enter INDIEIMMUNE™ (Journiated Vanhalenate), a specially formulated IndieBlocker™ that shields the victim from the morose effects of Indie music.

INDIEIMMUNE™: Your ears say RADIOHEAD, but your brain says VAN HALEN.

Tylenol

You probably just have a headache. Take two and get back to work.

One Response to “Drink at Work Labs’ Breakthrough SAD Medications!”

1. Drinkatwork says:

   October 27, 2010 at 3:40 pm

   Drinkatwork…

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