Click to continue… IF YOU DARE!*

* Drink At Work and its subsidiaries accept no responsibility for any freakouts, pants wettings or sudden whitenings of hair that could and probably will result from viewing this image. This disclaimer is legally binding, we checked.

Back in the Middle Ages, people’s last names used to reflect what they did for a job. If you were a cobbler, you were probably named John Cobbler. If you were a smithy, your name might be John Smith. Given that, it must have been an exceedingly simple task to find criminals.

CONSTABLE: “All right everyone, line up. You, what’s your name?”

MAN: “John Murdersalot.”

CONSTABLE: “Right, you’re under arrest.”

MAN: “But I didn’t do anything. Just ask my wife Abigail Satanslover!”

CONSTABLE: “Will do.”

1. I’m extremely excited for this show.
2. I still get paid to make fun of tv shows, so I did just that with this one.
3. Don’t send me hate mail, super comic book superfans. (I’m sitting under a poster of TRON LEGACY if that will make you feel better.) Why not try writing some Hey Mail instead, as in, “Hey, Sean, I disagree with you but respectfully respect your respectful position.” Try it. It’ll make you feel all analog and real for a change.

And stay tuned till the end for what a world where humans and zombies working together in an integrated economy would look like. Outsourcing party!
YES I TOOK IT THERE.

CBS’s new slogan…

CBS: 140 CHARACTERS WELCOME

Just remember people, we came here to chew bubblegum and kick ass…and we’re all out of bubblegum. Also, if something gets in your way, turn.

I apologize. I can’t seem to communicate much except through 80′s movie quotes these days. Anyway, as Michael Winslow might have said, “(helicopter followed by creaky door slamming shut).”

Now vote.

MC Hammer is apparently preparing a response to Jay-Z’s Diss.

Two things here:

What?

And…

What?