“I’m a sex object, I’m clinically insane, I will do anything for attention, but really I’m just a shy little girl. And I will be so super sad in my feelings place if you call me on any of that.”

Maybe Lady Gaga didn’t actually say that, but that’s what everything she says and does adds up to. And YOU, yes all of you, are totally responsible for giving her a platform for indulging every psycho-girly whim that dashes through that struggling to keep up with breathing brain of hers.

Look, this post isn’t going to be really nuanced or funny, I just have a bug up my ass and it’s name is “Lady Gaga and everyone who loves her.” Here are some reasons I hate you all just so, so much (and why I hope her meat dress gave her salmonella):

Lady Gaga Quote:
“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”

I’m glad she took a moment to explain real feminism to the next generation. She’s exactly right. Being a feminist is all about avoiding getting hurt.

Two more Gaga Quotes:
A) “Well, that’s your opinion, isn’t it? And I’m not about to waste my time trying to change it.”
B) “And now, I’m just trying to change the world, one sequin at a time.”

She’s right there, too. Changing the world is much easier than changing someone’s mind. To change someone’s mind you need sound arguments and a perspective, not made up platitudes featuring unicorns and dragon-sphinxes. To change the world, all you need is the wardrobe van from Pan’s Labyrinth.

Another quote:
“When you make music or write or create, it’s really your job to have mind-blowing, irresponsible, condomless sex with whatever idea it is you’re writing about at the time.”

I once heard almost this exact same thing from a team building coach at a corporate retreat. Only he put it like this, “Don’t focus on convergent thinking when you should be engaging in divergent thinking.” Still, I think the spirit of the advice is the same. Maybe in Gaga’s next stage of her career she can get herself on the Conde Naste payroll.

Gaga Quote:
“I’m terrified of therapy because I don’t want it to mess with my creativity.”

True. Every great artist who died of an overdose or autoerotic asphixiation said the same thing.

Finally, here’s a quote about Lady Gaga from radaronline.com:
“She’s this avant-garde provocateur who is also just a nice Italian Catholic girl from the upper-west side.”

Fuck. You. Don’t try to sell me a watered down Matthew Barney with a low-rent Jodie Foster upbringing and call it provocative.

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