Hey, douchebags have just as much stress as the rest of us and if you’re anything like the lady in 4B, you chew on your pencils. But look out, cause I seen some crazy shit happen to folks that chew to hard and go right through to the poison!

Take a look at this pencil my uncle Spencer chewed through at Bingo last night. You guessed it! He lost! And he chewed himself right into the clinic with a cut-up mouth and lead poisonin’! I mean, ya got metal on the end of the thing, for cryin’ out loud. Then there’s the sharp drawin’ part on the other end. And look how short that thing is! He coulda swallowed it whole and had the thing bumpin’ around in his tummy for weeks!

You know what grows in yer insides when you leave a pencil in there? Some sort of pencil tree, with erasin’ flowers and No. 2 prickers! Swallowin’ ain’t for pencils, it’s for KFC Doubledowns  and unborn babies, bitches!

So, the next time you put a pencil in your mouth at work, make sure the boss ain’t around, cause yer lazy and he just might say it to your face, causin’ you stress and a while bunch of involuntary bitin’!