1. Buy your SUV from an organic dealership.

2. If you’re looking for an apartment in a coastal city, remember to aim for 3rd floor and above. Not only will you be living on the first floor in 20 years when sea levels rise, you’ll also have beach front property–the beach in this instance being your living room. Now that’s green!

3. Goats. No, that’s not my tip. “Goats” is just a noun. But goats taste almost as good as beef cows which is where we get beef, and as an added bonus, goats will recycle everything you own by eating it all.

4. Lose weight. Did you know that if we all lost just 5 pounds, the earth would be able to pull away from the sun a few feet, which would cool the planet? Super models really are good models in this case!

5. The Paper VS Plastic debate is over. Next time you go shopping, demand that a 25 ton or bigger delivery truck bring the items to your home. No matter how close you live or how few items. It’s THEIR responsibility. Alternately, bring your own bag, however cloth can be very heavy, especially if it rains. So you know what, forget about that last one.

6. Never adopt! By adopting you are sending a message–that it’s ok to have babies. Instead, have your own babies.

7. If you are going to jail, ask if you can telecommute your sentence. Promise to stay at home the whole time and never leave. If you are sincere, the judge will believe you and grant you your wish and a pot of gold.

8. Dance like no one is watching. Dancing sequesters carbon and gives off bulemic water. Bulemic water is an unstable H2O molecule whose two H’s puke out the O! It’s free oxygen. Be careful though, dancers frequently erupt into flame for just this reason.

9. Plant a renewable resource, like children or water, in your backyard. Then…watch them grow into forests!

10. Retool, recuse, redact…the four E’s. Remember that for every grain of sand on the earth, there could be an entire Marvel universe inside. So if you don’t use the 4 E’s, you could be killing the Hulk. Something to think about, huh?

Well, that was Earth Day, everyone. I think it’s safe to say that over the last 20 years our nation, all of us, we’ve all done our best to vote in responsible politicians with long term agendas focused on turning the U.S. into the world’s leader in renewable energy tech, ecological stewardship–which goes beyond the obvious aesthetic and spiritual benefits, which are themselves however harder to quantify, and keeps our food and water clean–and of course offering meaningful incentives to corporations and scientists to spur on the vast U.S. economic engine to create the technologies and jobs we will need to maintain leadership in the coming decades in which energy resources will be the deciding factor regarding where a country stands in the world’s power structure.

Since we all did that by voting in Al Gore, then Al Gore again, and now President Obama, I think it’s all going to be ok. We did it, people. I mean, of course if we had only voted ONE of those guys in and only recently, then I’d say we’d be in big trouble. But we didn’t. Good thing we’re such a far sighted species and that we in the U.S. in particular organized our democracy so that necessary, sweeping changes can be affected once every generation or so when the need is greatest. Right?

Anyway, Happy Earth Day, folks. We’ve all earned it.