DRINK AT WORK'S ECO TIPS: SOLAR EMPOWERMENT 2

SOLAR EMPOWERMENT

This winter beat the lack of heat without burning coal, oil, or hobos. Instead, go solar and build your own thermascope, a simple DIY device that is like a telescope but one that concentrates the winter’s dim sunlight into a deadly laser!

You probably already know most of this, so we’re going to skip the more obvious steps. To get started, grab the 40 lbs. of abrasive silicon carbide powder that’s probably just gathering dust in your kitchen next to the cesium you only bring out for important guests. Then, get out your 16 3/5’s by 10 5/17’s meter metal block…aluminum is fine for amateurs but the pros prefer vanadium—Ok blah blah blah. I know you know all this! Then just melt, grind, and polish. You should have ten lenses, each the size of an angry horse.

Now mount and align all ten lenses on the side of your apartment building (along with a multi-phase coherence amplification module, duh!), and every day at noon your thermascope will focus the winter sun’s gossamer rays into a murderous pinpoint of alternative energy. Last Step: Place a dumptruck’s worth of hay underneath the boiler--Watch your hands…Are they still there? Super—and the hay should quickly go from a solid to an on-fire state, heating the water in your boiler. Congratulations! You now get 100% of your hot water directly from the sun. You’ll be the envy of your neighbors and the topic of several high profile news reports in no time.