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Boston, MA - "I was mowin' the lawn and I noticed the clippins smelled different." Danny O'Maley, a life-long Bostonian and self-proclaimed back-up Shortstop for the Boston Red Sox, found his lawn overrun with what can only be described as an "unwanted visitor". Mr. O'Maley is an unfortunate victim of lawn sabotage. "Evah since thaht Scohtt's Miracle Grow came out with the 'MLB Stadium Blends', we've all hahd to be on the lookout foah the Goddamned Spankee grass!" Officially named "Yankee Stadium Blend", it just one of the 30 blends now available to consumers, thanks to a joint effort between the MLB and Scott's Miracle Grow.
It has also been maliciously planted among Danny's prized "Fenway Blend".
Viewed as a revolutionary idea, the MLB/Scott's grass merger has been greatly embraced by Baseball fans across the country. That is, until the blends starting hitting hardware stores in the Northeast. William Peepod, spokesman for the Scott's company says he hasn't been surprised by the recent lawn problems between Red Sox and Yankees fans. "We knew there was the possibility of sabotage, but to be perfectly honest, we didn't think anyone would be smart enough to tell the difference. It's really just a conversation point to say your grass is the same as Fenway Park, or Yankee Stadium." As for the idea that the various blends' clippings have distinct smells, Mr. Peepod was skeptical. "What a load! These are blends of grass, not perfumes. Frankly, I've had it with the Boston/New York rivalry. Those monkeys will find anything to fight about. It's GRASS, you drunken troglodytes. Jesus Mary and Joseph!" Peepod then claimed his allegiance to the Pittsburgh Pirates and mumbled something about "big money and jerks ruining the game."
None of this was consolation to Mr. O'Maley, who claimed to have a plan of retaliation for his particular lawn saboteurs. "I goht a cahn o' gasoline in the caah paht and I'm plannin' to do my own 'creative' wohk on the mothah fah**ah's lawn." When asked if he had any other evidence that his Boston lawn had been seeded with New York Yankees grass, he seemed surer than ever: "Just look at the plush and shine on that lawn! You cahn't tell me thaht's not a front lawn on steroids! Fah**in' A-Rod might as well have pissed all over it." He added, "And it's not just me this impahcts, ya know? My kids cry every time they try and use the fah**in' Slip n' Slide. It's Fah**in' tragic. A Gohddamned tragedy, foh shuh."
And the rivalry continues...
Fake Rockstar, Drink at Work.com, Boston, Massachusetts.
Scott's announces deal with MLB to provide stadium grass mixtures for sale to the public, Yankees and Red Sox fans commence lawn sabotage.
Boston, MA - "I was mowin' the lawn and I noticed the clippins smelled different." Danny O'Maley, a life-long Bostonian and self-proclaimed back-up Shortstop for the Boston Red Sox, found his lawn overrun with what can only be described as an "unwanted visitor". Mr. O'Maley is an unfortunate victim of lawn sabotage. "Evah since thaht Scohtt's Miracle Grow came out with the 'MLB Stadium Blends', we've all hahd to be on the lookout foah the Goddamned Spankee grass!" Officially named "Yankee Stadium Blend", it just one of the 30 blends now available to consumers, thanks to a joint effort between the MLB and Scott's Miracle Grow.
It has also been maliciously planted among Danny's prized "Fenway Blend".
Viewed as a revolutionary idea, the MLB/Scott's grass merger has been greatly embraced by Baseball fans across the country. That is, until the blends starting hitting hardware stores in the Northeast. William Peepod, spokesman for the Scott's company says he hasn't been surprised by the recent lawn problems between Red Sox and Yankees fans. "We knew there was the possibility of sabotage, but to be perfectly honest, we didn't think anyone would be smart enough to tell the difference. It's really just a conversation point to say your grass is the same as Fenway Park, or Yankee Stadium." As for the idea that the various blends' clippings have distinct smells, Mr. Peepod was skeptical. "What a load! These are blends of grass, not perfumes. Frankly, I've had it with the Boston/New York rivalry. Those monkeys will find anything to fight about. It's GRASS, you drunken troglodytes. Jesus Mary and Joseph!" Peepod then claimed his allegiance to the Pittsburgh Pirates and mumbled something about "big money and jerks ruining the game."None of this was consolation to Mr. O'Maley, who claimed to have a plan of retaliation for his particular lawn saboteurs. "I goht a cahn o' gasoline in the caah paht and I'm plannin' to do my own 'creative' wohk on the mothah fah**ah's lawn." When asked if he had any other evidence that his Boston lawn had been seeded with New York Yankees grass, he seemed surer than ever: "Just look at the plush and shine on that lawn! You cahn't tell me thaht's not a front lawn on steroids! Fah**in' A-Rod might as well have pissed all over it." He added, "And it's not just me this impahcts, ya know? My kids cry every time they try and use the fah**in' Slip n' Slide. It's Fah**in' tragic. A Gohddamned tragedy, foh shuh."
And the rivalry continues...
Fake Rockstar, Drink at Work.com, Boston, Massachusetts.
posted by Fake Rockstar at 6:17 PM
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