THE CHEVY CHASE

So it's here. The electric car. General Motors has announced the production of the Chevy Volt, a sleek and sporty sedan that claims to run up to 40 mph on a single charge. City livin' with the Volt would mean hardly ever filling up with unleaded. That means near-zero emisions! Who's not gonna want this car? Who doesn't want to save the world... WITH THEIR CAR? This is the end of poverty, crime and snow in the Carolinas! This is 2010 future shit. This is Marty McFly and Doc Brown kinda crap. This is HEAVY.

"Look out global climate change... And the deaf! The Volt is here! "

Of course, the amount of energy to produce the Volt will no doubt be astronomical. Not to mention the out of pocket price, as well as the possibility of electrocution when you try and change your own oil... Or windshield wipers. There's also those studies that conclude deaf people are screwed with the proliferation of electric cars – Their helper dogs can't hear them, pulling their handicapped masters into traffic. Where are the electric helper dogs, America? Japan? Nerds?

"We're saving the world! In style!"

Have you seen the Volt? Remember the 60s when they opined on auto designs in the magical future of the 80s? It's like that, only with newer fonts and lights on the rear view mirrors... And am I the only one who hears Volt and immediately thinks of a DC or Marvel tie in? How long before the "new" cape-less Superman plugs the Volt on the Tee Vee and on the YouTubes? Will The Flash be seen driving his family to Flash... Things? This all feels like the time Subaru tried to be cool with the XT. I believe the Federal Goverment still places restrictions in Subaru's use of angles because of that debacle.

"Why spew toxic fumes, when you can dim your neighbor's lights instead?"

Today, GM announced a plant dedicated to building the huge Lithium Ion batteries that power the Volt. Do they know something we don't know? In an economy where the middle class is considering bread lines and food stamps, is there a real call for an over $40,000 electric Atari 2600? With the cash people drop to have the car, coupled with an enormous electric bill, "power crime" can't be too far behind. Theives using sophisticated equipment like "extension cords" will break into their neighbor's house, pass the TV and the jewerly for the nearest outlet. Law & Order: Power Crime Unit springs to mind.

"The Chevy Volt: Cool. Right?"

And I still want one. Dammit.