1. Drink

2. Be Drunk

3. Drink heavily

4. Enjoy a drink

5. Follow up #4 for with #3

6. Drink

7. DRINK!

8. (drink)

9. Remember to use with great frequency the phrase spoken 21 seconds into this clip of “Trading Places“

and finally…

10. Remember that life is short, so really take the time to get to know the emotional weak points of your loved ones and clip their idiot-wings with a few choice insults before they even get a chance to piss you off. Because that’s what the holidays are all about…family.

And of course, drink.