Things We Could Forgive John Cusack (i.e. Almost Anything)

With the release of 2012 today, one can't help but reflect upon the career of John Cusack and ask herself one simple question: why do I keep forgiving him these ills?

I think it can be argued that we love John Cusack most transcendentally for his performances in the boutique sub-genre of socially-awkward romantic comedies. But a quick glance at his IMDB page is a harsh reminder that it's been 9 years since High Fidelity. I'm not saying he hasn't made good — or at least entertaining — movies since then, but he certainly hasn't made one of those signature, if-only-my-boyfriend-were-so-handsomely-troubled movies in a while.

In the time since Rob Gordon, Cusack has also made a lot of sentimental pap at which any self-respecting geek-girl would flare her nostrils: Must Love Dogs, America's Sweethearts, Serendipity to name, well, all of them. And then there's the mildly entertaining horrory, thrillery flicks like Identity and 1408...enjoyable, but Lloyd Dobbler enjoyable? No.

The surprising fact is that when you actually look at John Cusack's filmography, the iconic Cusack characters are actually few and far between. Surrounding them are lowest of the lows such as Con Air, and artful masterworks such as Being John Malkovich and Bullets Over Broadway.

So, finally, it has occured to me that this "John Cusack" in my head isn't really the sum of his career at all. He doesn't quite get the credit he deserves for the more artistic work he's done, and he remains bulletproof in the face of impending box office bonanza doomsday devices like 2012. All in all...it must be frustrating to be John Cusack. Or it must be singularly wonderful. I'm not sure which.

At any rate, my assessment is that John Cusack can do anything and I — and you — will still love him. To that end, here are a few things he could get away with and still be forgiven:

• Campaigning for Sarah Palin
• Forming a karaoke supergroup with Ryan Phillipe, Tom Cruise and Diablo Cody
  
• Telling Jeremy Piven that no one remembers he's actually bald
• Deciding that his true passion is marketing
• Recording his first — and second — albums
• Marrying one of the Real Housewives
• Writing a volume of Twilight-inspired poetry
• Twittering (or tweeting)
  
• Calling Maya Angelou a hack
• Touting the validity of Intelligent Design
• Peeing in the White House fruit and vegetable garden
• Making America's Sweethearts 2
• Becoming the new G Star Raw Icon
• Playing opposite Cindy Crawford in Another Fair Game
  
• Owning the entire Creed catalog
  
• Having sex with Ann Coulter

And so we have it. It would take a ride on the Coulter to destroy John Cusack for me. I guess we all have lines in the sand. Incidentally, I'm pretty sure sand is exactly what the inside of her vagina feels like.

But I love John Cusack. For real, though.