12 steps to avoiding Douchebaggery
I work all the time. If I'm not doing comics, I'm writing comics. If I'm not writing comics, I'm thinking about writing comics while I'm writing pitches for TV and more comics. It's what I do and I can't imagine doing anything else.
I get paid very little to do what I love. I'd say 75% to 80% of my hours are spent on work that's just for me that I happen to post on the Internet, for you, the audience, to enjoy. You can happily read this work at no charge. It is a truly an amazing time we live in. Free comedy/TV/comics/movies/sometimes porn. FREE. This makes you all very happy... And It makes me happy to make you happy. Possibly, if I make enough people happy, I may make a better living as a reward for making so many of you happy.
Right?
Then why are you all so angry? Why do you find it necessary to absolute berate the struggling artist on a blog/forum they pay to keep up, for the soul purpose to keep you, the happy, non-paying reader involved in their lives? Weren't you just happier than a bacon-wrapped scallop one paragraph ago? Did someone kill your puppy? Did you have a bad day finding clean underwear for your 9 1/2 hour Xbox session? I'm sorry for your loss/bad laundry day choice.
We could hug it out, ya know... We could have a beer and talk about the things that just aren't fair. It can be done. They have buildings with rooms and waitstaff for just such a social situation. I would like to believe that your objections to my way of providing you with free entertainment could be aired more effectively in person. You don't need to instead jump on your eczema-covered PC and take your everyday frustrations out on those you have never met. Hurting those who can't "get you" in your basement will not quench your thirst for human interaction. It will only add to the massive social discourse snowballing into near apocalyptic proportions all over the Internet.
Why add to the douchebaggery? Why not be the brave one?
The only way you can solve your problem without making more problems for someone like me is to get out of the house. I know it's a rough proposal, but I can help you. I made you a list. It's gonna be okay... And when you make it into the burning sunlight that is everyday society, call me. I'll meet you for a liquid Prozac.
How to avoid being a douchebag that I may or may not want to throttle:
1. Wake up, it's 2pm.
2. WALK BY THE COMPUTER. DO NOT TURN IT ON. AVOID THE COMPUTER.
3. Find some pants. They may be at the bottom of the pile, but they are there, just follow the stink.
4. Put on the pants, brush your teeth and mat your hair.
5. Eat something without melted cheese and/or processed meat. Fruit's a big step, I know, so try something from the bread group. Maybe a Pop Tart. Baby steps.
6. Prepare for the outside world by practicing opening different doors in the house, pretending the outside is on the other side. This may take a few hours, but you'll get there.
7. Actually head outside. You can do it. Sunglasses and shoes will help.
8. Encounter someone you've never met before and engage them.
9. Ask them for light.
10. Commence on a 5 minute diatribe about how their matchbook/lighter is mediocre at best, how they don't deserve to be walking the same sidewalk as you, because you know at least 20 people who could run circles around the free service they just provided you.
11. Seek medical help for your fresh head wound.
12. Look up "ABC After School Special lessons" on Wikipedia.
Godspeed, my anonymous and lard-filled friend! Here's hoping we can one day meet in a crowded room where no one can hear you scream!
Words, lies and HUGS,
-FRS
I get paid very little to do what I love. I'd say 75% to 80% of my hours are spent on work that's just for me that I happen to post on the Internet, for you, the audience, to enjoy. You can happily read this work at no charge. It is a truly an amazing time we live in. Free comedy/TV/comics/movies/sometimes porn. FREE. This makes you all very happy... And It makes me happy to make you happy. Possibly, if I make enough people happy, I may make a better living as a reward for making so many of you happy.
Right?
Then why are you all so angry? Why do you find it necessary to absolute berate the struggling artist on a blog/forum they pay to keep up, for the soul purpose to keep you, the happy, non-paying reader involved in their lives? Weren't you just happier than a bacon-wrapped scallop one paragraph ago? Did someone kill your puppy? Did you have a bad day finding clean underwear for your 9 1/2 hour Xbox session? I'm sorry for your loss/bad laundry day choice.
We could hug it out, ya know... We could have a beer and talk about the things that just aren't fair. It can be done. They have buildings with rooms and waitstaff for just such a social situation. I would like to believe that your objections to my way of providing you with free entertainment could be aired more effectively in person. You don't need to instead jump on your eczema-covered PC and take your everyday frustrations out on those you have never met. Hurting those who can't "get you" in your basement will not quench your thirst for human interaction. It will only add to the massive social discourse snowballing into near apocalyptic proportions all over the Internet.
Why add to the douchebaggery? Why not be the brave one?
The only way you can solve your problem without making more problems for someone like me is to get out of the house. I know it's a rough proposal, but I can help you. I made you a list. It's gonna be okay... And when you make it into the burning sunlight that is everyday society, call me. I'll meet you for a liquid Prozac.
How to avoid being a douchebag that I may or may not want to throttle:
1. Wake up, it's 2pm.
2. WALK BY THE COMPUTER. DO NOT TURN IT ON. AVOID THE COMPUTER.
3. Find some pants. They may be at the bottom of the pile, but they are there, just follow the stink.
4. Put on the pants, brush your teeth and mat your hair.
5. Eat something without melted cheese and/or processed meat. Fruit's a big step, I know, so try something from the bread group. Maybe a Pop Tart. Baby steps.
6. Prepare for the outside world by practicing opening different doors in the house, pretending the outside is on the other side. This may take a few hours, but you'll get there.
7. Actually head outside. You can do it. Sunglasses and shoes will help.
8. Encounter someone you've never met before and engage them.
9. Ask them for light.
10. Commence on a 5 minute diatribe about how their matchbook/lighter is mediocre at best, how they don't deserve to be walking the same sidewalk as you, because you know at least 20 people who could run circles around the free service they just provided you.
11. Seek medical help for your fresh head wound.
12. Look up "ABC After School Special lessons" on Wikipedia.
Godspeed, my anonymous and lard-filled friend! Here's hoping we can one day meet in a crowded room where no one can hear you scream!
Words, lies and HUGS,
-FRS
posted by Fake Rockstar at 2:30 PM
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3 Comments:
Brilliant, as always, Mr. P. I will never, ever understand the vitriol that spews from people's mouths about anything on the internet. Movies, comics, video games, sports... Here we have the greatest level of communication in the history of mankind and its apex seems to be people who scream "FIRST!" or "U R Gay." Makes ya weep.
Second!
Also, U R Gay.
What was that about a bacon-wrapped scallop?
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