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MANHATTAN EYE STOPPER!

In the heart of Manhattan, situated perfectly between the West Village and an unknown crater on what we think may be one of Jupiter’s moons (possibly Ganymede), lies a unique apartment community that brings the best of New York right to your doorstep, which itself can be found on the roof. Great apartments, sun drenched (by star cluster NGC6940), and lots of very, very interesting stairs, not to mention all the hands drawing themselves you could ever want. And all at a location that’s exactly where you want to be, as long as that location does not lie on an X-Y-Z axis point.

So if you enjoy hallways that turn into ceilings, doorways which lead to balconies overlooking the underside of the stairs you took to get to that doorway, and hardwood floors…

…then this “relativistically” baroque, multidimensional non-Euclidian pre-war apartment could be for you.

Come home to the elegance of literally impossibly high ceilings, marble fireplaces, and a 6 bedroom appointment (two bedrooms are upside down, one sideways left, one sideways right, three right side up but which all share the same side of one door, and one which is, as the owner puts it, “outside of itself”).

Utilities Included: Heat, Gas, Water, and Electric. Gravity is negotiable. And trash is picked up two days before you are to drop it off (Tuesday).

PREVIOUS OWNER’S NOTES:
Hey there. I’m Lawrence. I lived in this space for three years. I would never leave it but my wife and I are having a child and the doctors agrees we should raise him in a solidly 3-dimensional apartment with no mobius doorways. Anyway, just some tips from someone who’s been there. You’ll love this apartment but be warned, Capital “C” Constant Velocity is not guaranteed in orientation transferrance junctures, so, for example, walk slowly when moving from wall to stairs or vice versa. Also, water in this apartment tends to not take the shape of its container. Either the container or sometimes you will take the shape of it. Taking a bath is still preferable to attempting to shower however, since the water tends to arrive at inconvenient locations, like the Civil War era or black holes.

What else…Oh, magnets don’t work.

But most importantly, there really are a lot of stairs. This is not a good apartment for the elderly or those with heart conditions or anyone uncomfortable arriving in a location underneath the thing they are on top of.

The one thing you’ll never need worry about is storage space. I have been using the same 4 X 6 ft closet to store everything for years now. And I mean “everything” as in “everything I own.” I park my car in that closet. Over 60,000 books, a pony, and several heaths. What can I say, I love the Scots. Oh yes, and my previous apartment is also stored there. (I am renting that out as well to anyone willing to risk disappearing. Reasonably priced.)

Call ESCHER PROPERTIES today to visit this location before it folds in on itself forever!