(My apologies for the delay in posting this week. You see, Monday was a bank holiday in England, and yesterday was Cinco de Mayo, so… You get the idea. But I’m back! So let’s commence with the squinting.)

It’ll come as a shock to exactly no one that this town is a body-conscious town. For true, yo. In L.A., they set the standard for how bad the rest of the country is supposed to feel about their big bones. And you know what? Between putting off trips to the gym to write and spending more working days at fancy hotels with fancy build-your-own-Belgian-waffle-bar breakfast spreads, I’ve gotten a little… what’s the word? Unthin. I’ve been unthinning.

So while I’ve been trying to do something about that, I’ve also been talking to professionally attractive people about how they stay unfat. Or rather, I’ve been doing interviews for big summer movies, which involve a lot of “physicality” (read: no fatties), and somehow I keep ending up in the same press conferences as reporters from fitness magazines.

Here are some gems for you: Megan Fox actually had to gain weight for “Transformers 2” because Michael Bay likes his women “curvy.” And another actress (what? I talk to a lot of them) finds the whole idea of people in gyms “unnatural.” Yeah? Well I find your natural lack of cellulite unnatural. So there.

Listening to the professionally hot discuss diet and exercise just makes me feel like that 250-pound woman I saw at Disney Land, puttering around on a Jazzy, morosely gnawing on a churro, staring ahead blankly, unable to find even the meekest whisper of joy in a delicious Mexican sugar baton in the Happiest Place on Earth.

Man, I could really go for a churro right now.

“Drinking in L.A.” is Ned Ehrbar’s look at life as a bleary-eyed East Coast refugee in sunny Southern California. You can see Ned’s other work here, and you’re more than welcome to follow him on Twitter, as awkward as that sounds.